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芒果街上的小屋-第5部分
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拖窀雒ㄌ焯谩�
你想要个朋友。她说，好的，我会做你的朋友，可只能做到下星期二，那时我们就得搬走了，不得不搬了。然后，她似乎忘了我才搬进来，说，这个社区的人越来越杂了。
凯茜的父亲有一天会要飞到法国去，找到远方的、她父亲那边的远远远房表亲，去继承家宅。我是怎么知道这些的呢？是她告诉我的。同时，他们要从芒果街向北面搬迁，离开这里一点路，在每次像我们这样的人家不断搬进来的时候。
Cathy Queen of Cats
She says； I am the great great grand cousin of the queen of France。 She lives upstairs； over there； next door to Joe the baby…grabber。 Keep away from him； she says。 He is full of danger。 Benny and Blanca own the corner store。 They're okay except don't lean on the candy counter。 Two girls raggedy as rats live across the street。 You don't want to know them。 Edna is the lady who owns the building next to you。 She used to own a building big as a whale； but her brother sold it。 Their mother said no； no； don't ever sell it。 I won't。 And then she closed her eyes and he sold it。 Alicia is stuck…up ever since she went to college。 She used to like me but now she doesn't。
Cathy who is queen of cats has cats and cats and cats。 Baby cats； big cats； skinny cats； sick cats。 Cats asleep like little donuts。 Cats on top of the refrigerator。 Cats taking a walk on the dinner table。 Her house is like cat heaven。
You want a friend； she says。 Okay； I'll be your friend。 But only till next Tuesday。 That's when we move away。 Got to。 Then as if she forgot I just moved in； she says the neighborhood is getting bad。
Cathy's father will have to fly to France one day and find her great great distant grand cousin on her father's side and inherit the family house。 How do I know this is so？ She told me so。 In the meantime they'll just have to move a little farther north from Mango Street； a little farther away every time people like us keep moving in。
四棵细瘦的树
他们是唯一懂得我的。我是唯一懂得它们的。四棵细瘦的树儿长着细细的脖颈和尖尖的肘骨，像我的一样。不属于这里但到了这里的四个。市政栽下充数的四棵残次品。从我的房间里我们可以听到它们的声音，可蕾妮只是睡觉，不能领略这些。
他们的力量是个秘密。他们在地下展开凶猛的根系。他们向上生长也向下生长，用它们须发样的脚趾攥紧泥土，用它们猛烈的牙齿噬咬天空，怒气从不懈怠。这就是它们坚持的方式。
假如有一棵忘记了他存在的理由，他们就全都会像玻璃瓶里的郁金香一样耷拉下来，手挽着手。坚持，坚持，坚持。树儿在我睡着的时候说。他们教会人。
当我太悲伤太瘦弱无法坚持再坚持的时候，当我如此渺小却要对抗这么多砖块的时候，我就会看着树儿。当街上没有别的东西可看的时候。不畏水泥仍在生长的四棵。伸展伸展从不忘记伸展的四棵。唯一的理由是存在存在的四棵。
Four Skinny Trees
They are the only ones who understand me。 I am the only one who understands them。 Four skinny trees with skinny necks and pointy elbows like mine。 Four who do not belong here but are here。 Four raggedy excuses planted by the city。 From our room we can hear them； but Nenny just sleeps and doesn't appreciate these things。
Their strength is secret。 They send ferocious roots beneath the ground。 They grow up and they grow down and grab the earth between their hairy toes and bite the sky with violent teeth and never quit their anger。 This is how they keep。 Let one forget his reason for being； they'd all droop like tulips in a glass； each with their arms around the other。 Keep； keep； keep； trees say when I sleep。 They teach。
When I am too sad and too skinny to keep keeping； when I am a tiny thing against so many bricks； then it is I look at trees。 When there is nothing left to look at on this street。 Four who grew despite concrete。 Four who reach and do not forget to reach。 Four whose only reason is to be and be。
生辰不吉（1）
很可能我会去地狱，很可能我该去那里。妈妈说我出生的日子不吉利，并为我祈祷。露西和拉切尔也祈祷。为我们自己也为相互之间……为我们对卢佩婶婶做的事情。
她的全名叫古尔妲卢佩 。她像我妈妈一样漂亮。暗色皮肤。十分耐看。穿着琼？克劳馥式的裙子，长着游泳者的腿。那是照片上的卢佩婶婶。
可我知道她生病了，疾病缠绵不去。她的腿绑束在黄色的床单下面，骨头变得和蠕虫一样软弱。黄色的枕头，黄色的气味，瓶子勺子。她像一个口渴的女人一样向后仰着头。我的婶婶，那个游泳者。
很难想象她的腿曾经强健。坚韧的骨，劈波分浪，动作干净爽利，没有像婴儿的腿那样蜷曲皱缩，也没有淹滞在黏浊的黄光灯下。二层楼背面的公寓。光秃的电灯泡。高高的天花板，灯泡一直在燃烧。
我不知道是谁来决定谁该遭受厄运。她出生的日子没有不吉利。没有邪恶的诅咒。头一天我想她还在游泳，第二天她就病了。可能是拍下那张灰色照片的那天。也可能是她抱着表弟托奇和宝宝弗兰克的那天。也可能是她指着照相机让小孩们看可他们不看的那一刻。
也许天空在她摔倒的那天没有看向人间。也许上帝很忙。也许那天她入水没入好伤了脊椎是真的，也许托奇说的是真的，她从高高的梯凳上重重地摔了下来。
我想疾病没有眼睛。它们昏乱的指头会挑到任何人，任何人。比如我的婶婶，那天正好走在街上的婶婶，穿着琼？克劳馥式裙子，戴着缀有黑羽毛的、滑稽的毡帽，一只手里是表弟托奇，一只手里是宝宝弗兰克。
有时你会习惯病人，有时你会习惯疾病，如果病得太久，也就习以为常了。她的情况就是这样。或者这就是我们选择她的原因。
那是一个游戏。仅此而已。我们每天下午都玩的游戏，自从某天我们中的一个发明了它。我不记得是谁，我想那是我。
你得挑选一个人。你得想出大家都知道的一个人，一个你可以模仿，而别人都能猜出来的人。先是那些名人：神奇女侠 、披头士、玛丽莲？梦露……后来有人认为我们稍稍改变一下，如果我们假装自己是宾尼先生、或者他的妻子布兰卡，或者鹭鸶儿，或者别的我们认识的人，游戏会好玩点。
我不知道我们为什么挑选了她。也许那天我们很无聊。也许我们累了。我们喜欢我们的婶婶。她会听我们讲故事。她经常求我们再来。露西、我和拉切尔。我讨厌一个人去那里。走六个街区才到那昏暗的公寓，阳光从不会照射到的二层楼背面的房子，可那有什么关系？我婶婶那时已经瞎了。她从来看不见水池里的脏碗碟。她看不到落满灰尘和苍蝇的天花板。难看的酱色墙壁，瓶瓶罐罐和黏腻的茶勺。我无法忘记那里的气味。就像黏黏的胶囊注满了冻糊糊。我婶婶，一瓣小牡蛎，一团小肉，躺在打开的壳上，供我们观看。喂，喂。她好像掉在一口深井里。
我把图书馆借的书带到她家里。我给她读故事。我喜欢《水孩子》 这本书。她也喜欢。我从来不知道她病得有多重，直到那天我想要指给她看书里的一幅画，美丽的画，水孩子在大海中游泳。我把书举到她眼前。我看不到。她说。我瞎了。我心里便很愧疚。
她会听我念给她听的每一本书，每一首诗。一天我读了一首自己写的给她听。我凑得很近。我对着枕头轻轻耳语：
我想成为
海里的浪，风中的云，
但我还只是小小的我。
有一天我要
跳出自己的身躯
我要摇晃天空
像一百把小提琴。
很好。非常好。她用有气无力的声音说。记住你要写下去，埃斯佩朗莎。你一定要写下去。那会让你自由，我说好的，只是那时我还不懂她的意思。
那天我们玩了同样的游戏。我们不知道她要死了。我们装作头往后仰，四肢软弱无力，像死人的一样垂挂着。我们学她的样子笑。学她的样子说话，那种盲人说话的时候不转动头部的样子。我们模仿她必须被人托起头颈才能喝水的样子。她从一个绿色的锡杯里把水慢慢地吮出来喝掉。水是热的，味道像金属。露西笑起来，拉切尔也笑了。我们轮流扮演她。我们像鹦鹉学舌一样，用微弱的声音呼喊托奇过来洗碗。那很容易做到。
可我们不懂。她等待死亡很长时间了。我们忘了。也许她很愧疚。也许她很窘迫：死亡花了这么多年时间。孩子们想要做成孩子，而不是在那里洗碗涮碟，给爸爸熨衬衫。丈夫也想再要一个妻子。
于是她死了。听我念诗的婶婶。
于是我们开始做起了那些梦。
Born Bad
Most likely I will go to hell and most likely I deserve to be there。 My mother says I was born on an evil day and prays for me。 Lucy and Rachel pray too。 For ourselves and for each other。。。 because of what we did to Aunt Lupe。
生辰不吉（2）
Her name was Guadalupe and she was pretty like my mother。 Dark。 Good to look at。 In her Joan Crawford dress and swimmer's legs。 Aunt Lupe of the photographs。
But I knew her sick from the disease that would not go； her legs bunched under the yellow sheets； the bones gone Limp as worms。 The yellow pillow； the yellow smell； the bottles and spoons。 Her head thrown back like a thirsty lady。 My aunt； the swimmer。
Hard to imagine her legs once strong； the bones hard and parting water； clean sharp strokes； not bent and wrinkled like a baby； not drowning under the sticky yellow light。 Second…floor rear apartment。 The naked light bulb。 The high ceilings。 The light bulb always burning。
I don't know who decides who deserves to go bad。 There was no evil in her birth。 No wicked curse。 One day I believe she was swimming； and the next day she was sick。 It might have been the day that gray photograph was taken。 It might have been the day she was holding cousin Totchy and baby Frank。 It might have been the moment she pointed to the camera for the kids to look and they
wouldn't。
Maybe the sky didn't look the day she fell down。 Maybe God was busy。 It could be true she didn't dive right one day and hurt her spine。 Or maybe the story that she fell very hard from a high step stool； like Totchy said； is true。
But I think diseases have no eyes。 They pick with a dizzy finger anyone； just anyone。 Like my aunt who happened to be walking down the street one day in her Joan Crawford dress； in her funny felt hat with the black feather； cousin Totchy in one hand； baby Frank in the other。
Sometimes you get used to the sick and sometimes the sickness； if it is there too long； gets to seem normal。 This is how it was with her； and maybe this is why we chose her。
It was a game； that's all。 It was the game we played every afternoon ever since that day one of us invented it。 I can't remember who。 I think it was me。 You had to pick somebody。
You had to think of someone everybody knew。 Someone you could imitate and everyone else would have to guess who it was。 It started out with famous people： Wonder Woman； the Beatles； Marilyn Monroe。。。 But then somebody thought it'd be better if we changed the game a little； if we pretended we were Mr。 Benny； or his wife Blanca； or Ruthie； or anybody we knew。
I don't know why we picked her。 Maybe we were bored that day。 Maybe we got tired。 We liked my aunt。 She listened to our stories。 She always asked us to e back。 Lucy； me； Rachel。 I hated to go there alone。 The six blocks to the dark apartment； second…floor rear building where sunlight never came； and what did it matter？ My aunt was blind by then。 She never saw the dirty dishes in the sink。 She couldn't see the ceilings dusty with flies； the ugly maroon walls； the bottles and sticky spoons。 I can't forget the smell。 Like sticky capsules filled with jelly。 My aunt； a little oyster； a little piece of meat on an open shell for us to look at。 Hello； hello。 As if she had fallen into a well。
I took my library books to her house。 I read her stories。 I liked the book The Water Babies。 She liked it too。 I never knew how sick she was until that day I tried to show her one of the pictures in the book； a beautiful color picture of the water babies swimming in the sea。 I held the book up to her face。 I can't see it； she said； I'm blind。 And then I was ashamed。
She listened to every book； every poem I read her。 one day I read her one of my own。 I came very close。 I whispered it into the pillow：
生辰不吉（3）
I want to be
like the waves on the sea；
like the clouds in the wind；
but I'm me。
One day I'll jump
out of my skin。
I'll shake the sky
like a hundred violins。
That's nice。 That's very good； she said in her tired voice。 You just remember to keep writing； Esperanza。 You must keep writing。 It will keep you free； and I said yes； but a
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