永别了,武器(英文版)海明威著-第41部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！


y　having　a　bad　time。　Afterward　we'd　say　what　a　bad　time　and　Catherine　would　say　it　wasn't　really　so　bad。　But　what　if　she　should　die？　She　can't　die。　Yes；　but　what　if　she　should　die？　She　can't；　I　tell　you。　Don't　be　a　fool。　It's　just　a　bad　time。　It's　just　nature　giving　her　hell。　It's　only　the　first　labor；　which　is　almost　always　protracted。　Yes；　but　what　if　she　should　die？　She　can't　die。　Why　would　she　die？　What　reason　is　there　for　her　to　die？　There's　just　a　child　that　has　to　be　born；　the　by…product　of　good　nights　in　Milan。　It　makes　trouble　and　is　born　and　then　you　look　after　it　and　get　fond　of　it　maybe。　But　what　if　she　should　die？　She　won't　die。　But　what　if　she　should　die？　She　won't。　She's　all　right。　But　what　if　she　should　die？　She　can't　die。　But　what　if　she　should　die？　Hey；　what　about　that？　What　if　she　should　die？
The　doctor　came　into　the　room。
〃How　does　it　go；　doctor？〃
〃It　doesn't　go；〃　he　said。
〃What　do　you　mean？〃
〃Just　that。　I　made　an　examination……〃　He　detailed　the　result　of　the　examination。　〃Since　then　I've　waited　to　see。　But　it　doesn't　go。〃
〃What　do　you　advise？〃
〃There　are　two　things。　Either　a　high　forceps　delivery　which　can　tear　and　be　quite　dangerous　besides　being　possibly　bad　for　the　child；　and　a　Caesarean。〃
〃What　is　the　danger　of　a　Caesarean？〃　What　if　she　should　die！
〃It　should　be　no　greater　than　the　danger　of　an　ordinary　delivery。〃
〃Would　you　do　it　yourself？〃
〃Yes。　I　would　need　possibly　an　hour　to　get　things　ready　and　to　get　the　people　I　would　need。　Perhaps　a　little　less。〃
〃What　do　you　think？〃
〃I　would　advise　a　Caesarean　operation。　If　it　were　my　wife　I　would　do　a　Caesarean。〃
〃What　are　the　after　effects？〃
〃There　are　none。　There　is　only　the　scar。〃
〃What　about　infection？〃
〃The　danger　is　not　so　great　as　in　a　high　forceps　delivery。〃
〃What　if　you　just　went　on　and　did　nothing？〃
〃You　would　have　to　do　something　eventually。　Mrs。　Henry　is　already　losing　much　of　her　strength。　The　sooner　we　operate　now　the　safer。〃
〃Operate　as　soon　as　you　can；〃　I　said。
〃I　will　go　and　give　the　instructions。〃
I　went　into　the　delivery　room。　The　nurse　was　with　Catherine　who　lay　on　the　table；　big　under　the　sheet；　looking　very　pale　and　tired。
〃Did　you　tell　him　he　could　do　it？〃　she　asked。
〃Yes。〃
〃Isn't　that　grand。　Now　it　will　be　all　over　in　an　hour。　I'm　almost　done；　darling。　I'm　going　all　to　pieces。　Please　give　me　that。　It　doesn't　work。　Oh；　it　doesn't　work！〃
〃Breathe　deeply。〃
〃I　am。　Oh；　it　doesn't　work　any　more。　It　doesn't　work！〃
〃Get　another　cylinder；〃　I　said　to　the　nurse。
〃That　is　a　new　cylinder。〃
〃I'm　just　a　fool；　darling；〃　Catherine　said。　〃But　it　doesn't　work　any　more。〃　She　began　to　cry。　〃Oh；　I　wanted　so　to　have　this　baby　and　not　make　trouble；　and　now　I'm　all　done　and　all　gone　to　pieces　and　it　doesn't　work。　Oh；　darling；　it　doesn't　work　at　all。　I　don't　care　if　I　die　if　it　will　only　stop。　Oh；　please；　darling；　please　make　it　stop。　There　it　es。　Oh　Oh　Oh！〃　She　breathed　sobbingly　in　the　mask。
〃It　doesn't　work。　It　doesn't　work。　It　doesn't　work。　Don't　mind　me；　darling。　Please　don't　cry。　Don't　mind　me。　I'm　just　gone　all　to　pieces。　You　poor　sweet。　I　love　you　so　and　I'll　be　good　again。　I'll　be　good　this　time。　Can't　they　give　me　something？　If　they　could　only　give　me　something。〃
〃I'll　make　it　work。　I'll　turn　it　all　the　way。〃
〃Give　it　to　me　now。〃
I　turned　the　dial　all　the　way　and　as　she　breathed　hard　and　deep　her　hand　relaxed　on　the　mask。　I　shut　off　the　gas　and　lifted　the　mask。　She　came　back　from　a　long　way　away。
〃That　was　lovely；　darling。　Oh；　you're　so　good　to　me。〃
〃You　be　brave；　because　I　can't　do　that　all　the　time。　It　might　kill　you。〃
〃I'm　not　brave　any　more；　darling。　I'm　all　broken。　They've　broken　me。　I　know　it　now。〃
〃Everybody　is　that　way。〃
〃But　it's　awful。　They　just　keep　it　up　till　they　break　you。〃
〃In　an　hour　it　will　be　over。〃
〃Isn't　that　lovely？　Darling；　I　won't　die；　will　I？〃
〃No。　I　promise　you　won't。〃
〃Because　I　don't　want　to　die　and　leave　you；　but　I　get　so　tired　of　it　and　I　feel　I'm　going　to　die。〃
〃Nonsense。　Everybody　feels　that。〃
〃Sometimes　I　know　I'm　going　to　die。〃
〃You　won't。　You　can't。〃
〃But　what　if　I　should？〃
〃I　won't　let　you。〃
〃Give　it　to　me　quick。　Give　it　to　me！〃
Then　afterward；　〃I　won't　die。　I　won't　let　myself　die。〃
〃Of　course　you　won't。〃
〃You'll　stay　with　me？〃
〃Not　to　watch　it。〃
〃No；　just　to　be　there。〃
〃Sure。　I'll　be　there　all　the　time。〃
〃You're　so　good　to　me。　There；　give　it　to　me。　Give　me　some　more。　It's　not　working！〃
I　turned　the　dial　to　three　and　then　four。　I　wished　the　doctor　would　e　back。　I　was　afraid　of　the　numbers　above　two。
Finally　a　new　doctor　came　in　with　two　nurses　and　they　lifted　Catherine　onto　a　wheeled　stretcher　and　we　started　down　the　hall。　The　stretcher　went　rapidly　dOwn　the　hall　and　into　the　elevator　where　every　one　had　to　crowd　against　the　wall　to　make　room；　then　up；　then　an　open　door　and　out　of　the　elevator　and　down　the　hall　on　rubber　wheels　to　the　operating　room。　I　did　not　recognize　the　doctor　with　his　cap　and　mask　on。　There　was　another　doctor　and　more　nurses。
〃They've　got　to　give　me　something；〃　Catherine　said。　〃They've　got　to　give　me　something。　Oh　please；　doctor；　give　me　enough　to　do　some　good！〃
One　of　the　doctors　put　a　mask　over　her　face　and　I　looked　through　the　door　and　saw　the　bright　small　amphitheatre　of　the　operating　room。
〃You　can　go　in　the　other　door　and　sit　up　there；〃　a　nurse　said　to　me。　There　were　benches　behind　a　rail　that　looked　down　on　the　white　table　and　the　lights。　I　looked　at　Catherine。　The　mask　was　over　her　face　and　she　was　quiet　now。　They　wheeled　the　stretcher　forward。　I　turned　away　and　walked　down　the　hall。　Two　nurses　were　hurrying　toward　the　entrance　to　the　gallery。
〃It's　a　Caesarean；〃　one　said。　〃They're　going　to　do　a　Caesarean。〃
The　other　one　laughed；　〃We're　just　in　time。　Aren't　we　lucky？〃　They　went　in　the　door　that　led　to　the　gallery。
Another　nurse　came　along。　She　was　hurrying　too。
〃You　go　right　in　there。　Go　right　in；〃　she　said。
〃I'm　staying　outside。〃
She　hurried　in。　I　walked　up　and　down　the　hall。　I　was　afraid　to　go　in。　I　looked　out　the　window。　It　was　dark　but　in　the　light　from　the　window　I　could　see　it　was　raining。　I　went　into　a　room　at　the　far　end　of　the　hall　and　looked　at　the　labels　on　bottles　in　a　glass　case。　Then　I　came　out　and　stood　in　the　empty　hall　and　watched　the　door　of　the　operating　room。
A　doctor　came　out　followed　by　a　nurse。　He　held　something　in　his　two　hands　that　looked　like　a　freshly　skinned　rabbit　and　hurried　across　the　corridor　with　it　and　in　through　another　door。　I　went　down　to　the　door　he　had　gone　into　and　found　them　in　the　room　doing　things　to　a　new…born　child。　The　doctor　held　him　up　for　me　to　see。　He　held　him　by　the　heels　and　slapped　him。
〃Is　he　all　right？〃
〃He's　magnificent。　He'll　weigh　five　kilos。〃
I　had　no　feeling　for　him。　He　did　not　seem　to　have　anything　to　do　with　me。　I　felt　no　feeling　of　fatherhood。
〃Aren't　you　proud　of　your　son？〃　the　nurse　asked。　They　were　washing　him　and　wrapping　him　in　something。　I　saw　the　little　dark　face　and　dark　hand；　but　I　did　not　see　him　move　or　hear　him　cry。　The　doctor　was　doing　something　to　him　again。　He　looked　upset。
〃No；〃　I　said。　〃He　nearly　killed　his　mother。〃
〃It　isn't　the　little　darling's　fault。　Didn't　you　want　a　boy？〃
〃No；〃　I　said。　The　doctor　was　busy　with　him。　He　held　him　up　by　the　feet　and　slapped　him。　I　did　not　wait　to　see　it。　I　went　out　in　the　hail。　I　could　go　in　now　and　see。　I　went　in　the　door　and　a　little　way　down　the　gallery。　The　nurses　who　were　sitting　at　the　rail　motioned　for　me　to　e　down　where　they　were。　I　shook　my　head。　I　could　see　enough　where　I　was。
I　thought　Catherine　was　dead。　She　looked　dead。　Her　face　was　gray；　the　part　of　it　that　I　could　see。　Down　below；　under　the　light；　the　doctor　was　sewing　up　the　great　long；　forcep…spread；　thickedged；　wound。　Another　doctor　in　a　mask　gave　the　anaesthetic。　Two　nurses　in　masks　handed　things。　It　looked　like　a　drawing　of　the　Inquisition。　I　knew　as　I　watched　I　could　have　watched　it　all；　but　I　was　glad　I　hadn't。　I　do　not　think　I　could　have　watched　them　cut；　but　I　watched　the　wound　closed　into　a　high　welted　ridge　with　quick　skilful…looking　stitches　like　a　cobbler's；　and　was　glad。　When　the　wound　was　closed　I　went　out　into　the　hall　and　walked　up　and　down　again。　After　a　while　the　doctor　came　out。
〃How　is　she？〃
〃She　is　all　right。　Did　you　watch？〃
He　looked　tired。
〃I　saw　you　sew　up。　The　incision　looked　very　long。〃
〃You　thought　so？〃
〃Yes。　Will　that　scar　flatten　out？〃
〃Oh；　yes。〃
After　a　while　they　brought　out　the　wheeled　stretcher　and　took　it　very　rapidly　down　the　hallway　to　the　elevator。　I　went　along　beside　it。　Catherine　was　moaning。　Downstairs　they　put　her　in　the　bed　in　her　room。　I　sat　in　a　chair　at　the　foot　of　the　bed。　There　was　a　nurse　in　the　room。　I　got　up　and　stood　by　the　bed。　It　was　dark　in　the　room。　Catherine　put　out　her　hand。　〃Hello；　darling；〃　she　said。　Her　voice　was　very　weak　and　tired。
〃Hello；　you　sweet。〃
〃What　sort　of　baby　was　it？〃
〃Sh……don't　talk；〃　the　nurse　said。
〃A　boy。　He's　long　and　wide　and　dark。〃
〃Is　he　all　right？〃
〃Yes；〃　I　said。　〃He's　fine。〃
I　saw　the　nurse　look　at　me　strangely。
〃I'm　awfully　tired；〃　Catherine　said。　〃And　I　hurt　like　hell。　Are　you　all　right；　darling？〃
〃I'm　fine。　Don't　talk。〃
〃You　were　lovely　to　me。　Oh；　darling；　I　hurt　dreadfully。　What　does　he　look　like？〃
〃He　looks　like　a　skinned　rabbit　with　a　puckered…up　old…man's　face。〃
〃You　must　go　out；〃　the　nurse　said。　〃Madame　Henry　must　not　talk。〃
〃I'll　be　outside。〃
〃Go　and　get　something　to　eat。〃
〃No。　I'll　be　outside。〃　I　kissed　Catherine。　She　was　very　gray　and　weak　and　tired。
〃May　I　speak　to　you？〃　I　said　to　the　nurse。　She　came　out　in　the　hall　with　me。　I　walked　a　little　way　down　the　hall。
〃What's　the　matter　with　the　baby？〃　I　asked。
〃Didn't　you　know？〃
〃No。〃
〃He　wasn't　alive。〃
〃He　was　dead？〃
〃They　couldn't　start　him　breathing。　The　cord　was　caught　around　his　neck　or　something。〃
〃So　he's　dead。〃
〃Yes。　It's　such　a　shame。　He　was　such　a　fine　big　boy。　I　thought　you　knew。〃
〃No；〃　I　said。　〃You　better　go　back　in　with　Madame。〃
I　sat　down　on　the　chair　in　front　of　a　table　where　there　were　nurses'　reports　hung　on　clips　at　the　side　and　looked　out　of　the　window。　I　could　see　nothing　but　the　dark　and　the　rain　falling　across　the　light　from　the　window。　So　that　was　it。　The　baby　was　dead。　That　was　why　the　doctor　looked　so　tired。　But　why　had　they　acted　the　way　they　did　in　the　room　with　him？　They　supposed　he　would　e　around　and　start　breathing　probably。　I　had　no　religion　but　I　knew　he　ought　to　have　been　baptized。　But　what　if　he　never　breathed　at　all。　He　hadn't。　He　had　never　been　alive。　Except　in　Catherine。　I'd　felt　him　kick　there　often　enough。　But　I　hadn't　for　a　week。　Maybe　he　was　choked　all　the　time。　Poor　little　kid。　I　wished　the　hell　I'd　been　choked　like　that。　No　I　didn't。　Still　there　would　not　be　all　this　dying　to　go　through。　Now　Catherine　would　die。　That　was　what　you　did。　You　died。　You　did　not　know　what　it　was　about。　You　never　had　time　to　learn。　They　threw　you　in　and　told　you　the　rules　and　the　first　time　they　caught　you　off　base　they　killed　you。　Or　they　killed　you　gratuitously　like　Aymo。　Or　gave　you　the　syphilis　like　Rinaldi。　But　they　killed　you　in　the　end。　You　could　count　on　that。　Stay　around　and　they　would　kill　you。
Once　in　camp　I　put　a　log　on　top　of　the　fire　and　it