永别了,武器(英文版)海明威著-第4部分

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〃I　see。〃
〃The　Italians　didn't　want　women　so　near　the　front。　So　we're　all　on　very　special　behavior。　We　don't　go　out。〃
〃I　can　e　here　though。〃
〃Oh；　yes。　We're　not　cloistered。〃
〃Let's　drop　the　war。〃
〃It's　very　hard。　There's　no　place　to　drop　it。〃
〃Let's　drop　it　anyway。〃
〃All　right。〃
We　looked　at　each　other　in　the　dark。　I　thought　she　was　very　beautiful　and　I　took　her　hand。　She　let　me　take　it　and　I　held　it　and　put　my　arm　around　under　her　arm。
〃No；〃　she　said。　I　kept　my　arm　where　it　was。
〃Why　not？〃
〃No。〃
〃Yes；〃　I　said。　〃Please。〃　I　leaned　forward　in　the　dark　to　kiss　her　and　there　was　a　sharp　stinging　flash。　She　had　slapped　my　face　hard。　Her　hand　had　hit　my　nose　and　eyes；　and　tears　came　in　my　eyes　from　the　reflex。
〃I'm　so　sorry；〃　she　said。　I　felt　I　had　a　certain　advantage。
〃You　were　quite　right。〃
〃I'm　dreadfully　sorry；〃　she　said。　〃I　just　couldn't　stand　the　nurse's…eveningoff　aspect　of　it。　I　didn't　mean　to　hurt　you。　I　did　hurt　you；　didn't　I？〃
She　was　looking　at　me　in　the　dark。　I　was　angry　and　yet　certain；　seeing　it　all　ahead　like　the　moves　in　a　chess　game。
〃You　did　exactly　right；〃　I　said。　〃I　don't　mind　at　all。〃
〃Poor　man。〃
〃You　see　I've　been　leading　a　sort　of　a　funny　life。　And　I　never　even　talk　English。　And　then　you　are　so　very　beautiful。〃　I　looked　at　her。
〃You　don't　need　to　say　a　lot　of　nonsense。　I　said　I　was　sorry。　We　do　get　along。〃
〃Yes；〃　I　said。　〃And　we　have　gotten　away　from　the　war。〃
She　laughed。　It　was　the　first　time　I　had　ever　heard　her　laugh。　I　watched　her　face。
〃You　are　sweet；〃　she　said。
〃No；　I'm　not。〃
〃Yes。　You　are　a　dear。　I'd　be　glad　to　kiss　you　if　you　don't　mind。〃
I　looked　in　her　eyes　and　put　my　arm　around　her　as　I　had　before　and　kissed　her。　I　kissed　her　hard　and　held　her　tight　and　tried　to　open　her　lips；　they　were　closed　tight。　I　was　still　angry　and　as　I　held　her　suddenly　she　shivered。　I　held　her　close　against　me　and　could　feel　her　heart　beating　and　her　lips　opened　and　her　head　went　back　against　my　hand　and　then　she　was　crying　on　my　shoulder。
〃Oh；　darling；〃　she　said。　〃You　will　be　good　to　me；　won't　you？〃
What　the　hell；　I　thought。　I　stroked　her　hair　and　patted　her　shoulder。　She　was　crying。
〃You　will；　won't　you？〃　She　looked　up　at　me。　〃Because　we're　going　to　have　a　strange　life。〃
After　a　while　I　walked　with　her　to　the　door　of　the　villa　and　she　went　in　and　I　walked　home。　Back　at　the　villa　I　went　upstairs　to　the　room。　Rinaldi　was　lying　on　his　bed。　He　looked　at　me。
〃So　you　make　progress　with　Miss　Barkley？〃
〃We　are　friends。〃
〃You　have　that　pleasant　air　of　a　dog　in　heat。〃
I　did　not　understand　the　word。
〃Of　a　what？〃
He　explained。
〃You；〃　I　said；　〃have　that　pleasant　air　of　a　dog　who……〃
〃Stop　it；〃　he　said。　〃In　a　little　while　we　would　say　insulting　things。〃　He　laughed。
〃Good…night；〃　I　said。
〃Good…night；　little　puppy。〃
I　knocked　over　his　candle　with　the　pillow　and　got　into　bed　in　the　dark。
Rinaldi　picked　up　the　candle；　lit　it　and　went　on　reading。




6


I　was　away　for　two　days　at　the　posts。　When　I　got　home　it　was　too　late　and　I　did　not　see　Miss　Barkley　until　the　next　evening。　She　was　not　in　the　garden　and　I　had　to　wait　in　the　office　of　the　hospital　until　she　came　down。　There　were　many　marble　busts　on　painted　wooden　pillars　along　the　walls　of　the　room　they　used　for　an　office。　The　hall　too；　that　the　office　opened　on；　was　lined　with　them。　They　had　the　plete　marble　quality　of　all　looking　alike。　Sculpture　had　always　seemed　a　dull　business……still；　bronzes　looked　like　something。　But　marble　busts　all　looked　like　a　cemetery。　There　was　one　fine　cemetery　though……the　one　at　Pisa。　Genoa　was　the　place　to　see　the　bad　marbles。　This　had　been　the　villa　of　a　very　wealthy　German　and　the　busts　must　have　cost　him　plenty。　I　wondered　who　had　done　them　and　how　much　he　got。　I　tried　to　make　out　whether　they　were　members　of　the　family　or　what；　but　they　were　all　uniformly　classical。　You　could　not　tell　anything　about　them。
I　sat　on　a　chair　and　held　my　cap。　We　were　supposed　to　wear　steel　helmets　even　in　Gorizia　but　they　were　unfortable　and　too　bloody　theatrical　in　a　town　where　the　civilian　inhabitants　had　not　been　evacuated。　I　wore　one　when　we　went　up　to　the　posts　and　carried　an　English　gas　mask。　We　were　just　beginning　to　get　some　of　them。　They　were　a　real　mask。　Also　we　were　required　to　wear　an　automatic　pistol；　even　doctors　and　sanitary　officers。　I　felt　it　against　the　back　of　the　chair。　You　were　liable　to　arrest　if　you　did　not　have　one　worn　in　plain　sight。　Rinaldi　carried　a　holster　stuffed　with　toilet　paper。　I　wore　a　real　one　and　felt　like　a　gunman　until　I　practised　firing　it。　It　was　an　Astra　7。65　caliber　with　a　short　barrel　and　it　jumped　so　sharply　when　you　let　it　off　that　there　was　no　question　of　hitting　anything。　I　practised　with　it；　holding　below　the　target　and　trying　to　master　the　jerk　of　the　ridiculous　short　barrel　until　I　could　hit　within　a　yard　of　where　I　aimed　at　twenty　paces　and　then　the　ridiculousness　of　carrying　a　pistol　at　all　came　over　me　and　I　soon　forgot　it　and　carried　it　flopping　against　the　small　of　my　back　with　no　feeling　at　all　except　a　vague　sort　of　shame　when　I　met　English…speaking　people。　I　sat　now　in　the　chair　and　an　orderly　of　some　sort　looked　at　me　disapprovingly　from　behind　a　desk　while　I　looked　at　the　marble　floor；　the　pillars　with　the　marble　busts；　and　the　frescoes　on　the　wall　and　waited　for　Miss　Barkley。　The　frescoes　were　not　bad。　Any　frescoes　were　good　when　they　started　to　peel　and　flake　off。
I　saw　Catherine　Barkley　ing　down　the　hall；　and　stood　up。　She　did　not　seem　tall　walking　toward　me　but　she　looked　very　lovely。
〃Good…evening；　Mr。　Henry；〃　she　said。
〃How　do　you　do？〃　I　said。　The　orderly　was　listening　behind　the　desk。
〃Shall　we　sit　here　or　go　out　in　the　garden？〃
〃Let's　go　out。　It's　much　cooler。〃
I　walked　behind　her　out　into　the　garden；　the　orderly　looking　after　us。　When　we　were　out　on　the　gravel　drive　she　said；　〃Where　have　you　been？〃
〃I've　been　out　on　post。〃
〃You　couldn't　have　sent　me　a　note？〃
〃No；〃　I　said。　〃Not　very　well。　I　thought　I　was　ing　back。〃
〃You　ought　to　have　let　me　know；　darling。〃
We　were　off　the　driveway；　walking　under　the　trees。　I　took　her　hands；　then　stopped　and　kissed　her。
〃Isn't　there　anywhere　we　can　go？〃
〃No；〃　she　said。　〃We　have　to　just　walk　here。　You've　been　away　a　long　time。〃
〃This　is　the　third　day。　But　I'm　back　now。〃
She　looked　at　me；　〃And　you　do　love　me？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃You　did　say　you　loved　me；　didn't　you？〃
〃Yes；〃　I　lied。　〃I　love　you。〃　I　had　not　said　it　before。
〃And　you　call　me　Catherine？〃
〃Catherine。〃
We　walked　on　a　way　and　were　stopped　under　a　tree。
〃Say；　'I've　e　back　to　Catherine　in　the　night。〃
〃I've　e　back　to　Catherine　in　the　night。〃
〃Oh；　darling；　you　have　e　back；　haven't　you？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃I　love　you　so　and　it's　been　awful。　You　won't　go　away？〃
〃No。　I'll　always　e　back。〃
〃Oh；　I　love　you　so。　Please　put　your　hand　there　again。〃
〃It's　not　been　away。〃　I　turned　her　so　I　could　see　her　face　when　I　kissed　her　and　I　saw　that　her　eyes　were　shut。　I　kissed　both　her　shut　eyes。　I　thought　she　was　probably　a　little　crazy。　It　was　all　right　if　she　was。　I　did　not　care　what　I　was　getting　into。　This　was　better　than　going　every　evening　to　the　house　for　officers　where　the　girls　climbed　all　over　you　and　put　your　cap　on　backward　as　a　sign　of　affection　between　their　trips　upstairs　with　brother　officers。　I　knew　I　did　not　love　Catherine　Barkley　nor　had　any　idea　of　loving　her。　This　was　a　game；　like　bridge；　in　which　you　said　things　instead　of　playing　cards。　Like　bridge　you　had　to　pretend　you　were　playing　for　money　or　playing　for　some　stakes。　Nobody　had　mentioned　what　the　stakes　were。　It　was　all　right　with　me。
〃I　wish　there　was　some　place　we　could　go；〃　I　said。　I　was　experiencing　the　masculine　difficulty　of　making　love　very　long　standing　up。
〃There　isn't　any　place；〃　she　said。　She　came　back　from　wherever　she　had　been。
〃We　might　sit　there　just　for　a　little　while。〃
We　sat　on　the　flat　stone　bench　and　I　held　Catherine　Barkley's　hand。　She　would　not　let　me　put　my　arm　around　her。
〃Are　you　very　tired？〃　she　asked。
〃No。〃
She　looked　down　at　the　grass。
〃This　is　a　rotten　game　we　play；　isn't　it？〃
〃What　game？〃
〃Don't　be　dull。〃
〃I'm　not；　on　purpose。〃
〃You're　a　nice　boy；〃　she　said。　〃And　you　play　it　as　well　as　you　know　how。　But　it's　a　rotten　game。〃
〃Do　you　always　know　what　people　think？〃
〃Not　always。　But　I　do　with　you。　You　don't　have　to　pretend　you　love　me。　That's　over　for　the　evening。　Is　there　anything　you'd　like　to　talk　about？〃
〃But　I　do　love　you。〃
〃Please　let's　not　lie　when　we　don't　have　to。　I　had　a　very　fine　little　show　and　I'm　all　right　now。　You　see　I'm　not　mad　and　I'm　not　gone　off。　It's　only　a　little　sometimes。〃
I　pressed　her　hand；　〃Dear　Catherine。〃
〃It　sounds　very　funny　now……Catherine。　You　don't　pronounce　it　very　much　alike。　But　you're　very　nice。　You're　a　very　good　boy。〃
〃That's　what　the　priest　said。〃
〃Yes；　you're　very　good。　And　you　will　e　and　see　me？〃
〃Of　course。〃
〃And　you　don't　have　to　say　you　love　me。　That's　all　over　for　a　while。〃　She　stood　up　and　put　out　her　hand。　〃Good…night。〃
I　wanted　to　kiss　her。
〃No；〃　she　said。　〃I'm　awfully　tired。〃
〃Kiss　me；　though；〃　I　said。
〃I'm　awfully　tired；　darling。〃
〃Kiss　me。〃
〃Do　you　want　to　very　much？〃
〃Yes。〃
We　kissed　and　she　broke　away　suddenly。　〃No。　Good…night；　please；　darling。〃　We　walked　to　the　door　and　I　saw　her　go　in　and　down　the　hall。　I　liked　to　watch　her　move。　She　went　on　down　the　hall。　I　went　on　home。　It　was　a　hot　night　and　there　was　a　good　deal　going　on　up　in　the　mountains。　I　watched　the　flashes　on　San　Gabriele。
I　stopped　in　front　of　the　Villa　Rossa。　The　shutters　were　up　but　it　was　still　going　on　inside。　Somebody　was　singing。　I　went　on　home。　Rinaldi　came　in　while　I　was　undressing。
〃Ah；　ha！〃　he　said。　〃It　does　not　go　so　well。　Baby　is　puzzled。〃
〃Where　have　you　been？〃
〃At　the　Villa　Rossa。　It　was　very　edifying；　baby。　We　all　sang。　Where　have　you　been？〃
〃Calling　on　the　British。〃
〃Thank　God　I　did　not　bee　involved　with　the　British。〃




7


I　came　back　the　next　afternoon　from　our　first　mountain　post　and　stopped　the　car　at　the　smistimento　where　the　wounded　and　sick　were　sorted　by　their　papers　and　the　papers　marked　for　the　different　hospitals。　I　had　been　driving　and　I　sat　in　the　car　and　the　driver　took　the　papers　in。　It　was　a　hot　day　and　the　sky　was　very　bright　and　blue　and　the　road　was　white　and　dusty。　I　sat　in　the　high　seat　of　the　Fiat　and　thought　about　nothing。　A　regiment　went　by　in　the　road　and　I　watched　them　pass。　The　men　were　hot　and　sweating。　Some　wore　their　steel　helmets　but　most　of　them　carried　them　slung　from　their　packs。　Most　of　the　helmets　were　too　big　and　came　down　almost　over　the　ears　of　the　men　who　wore　them。　The　officers　all　wore　helmets；　better…fitting　helmets。　It　was　half　of　the　brigata　Basilicata。　I　identified　them　by　their　red　and　white　striped　collar　mark。　There　were　stragglers　going　by　long　after　the　regiment　had　passed……men　who　could　not　keep　up　with　their　platoons。　They　were　sweaty；　dusty　and　tired。　Some　looked　pretty　bad。　A　soldier　came　along　after　the　last　of　the　stragglers。　He　was　walking　with　a　limp。　He　stopped　and　sat　down　beside　the　road。　I　got　down　and　went　over。
〃What's　the　matter？〃
He　looked　at　me；　then　stood　up。
〃I'm　going　on。〃
〃What's　the　trouble？〃
〃……　the　war。〃
〃What's　wrong　with　yo