永别了,武器(英文版)海明威著-第32部分

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〃I　don't　mean　that。　I　mean　his　Italian　sneakiness。〃
〃Am　I　sneaky；　Fergy？〃
〃You　are。　You're　worse　than　sneaky。　You're　like　a　snake。　A　snake　with　an　Italian　uniform：　with　a　cape　around　your　neck。〃
〃I　haven't　got　an　Italian　uniform　now。〃
〃That's　just　another　example　of　your　sneakiness。　You　had　a　love　affair　all　summer　and　got　this　girl　with　child　and　now　I　suppose　you'll　sneak　off。〃
I　smiled　at　Catherine　and　she　smiled　at　me。
〃We'll　both　sneak　off；〃　she　said。
〃You're　two　of　the　same　thing；〃　Ferguson　said。　〃I'm　ashamed　of　you；　Catherine　Barkley。　You　have　no　shame　and　no　honor　and　you're　as　sneaky　as　he　is。〃
〃Don't；　Fergy；〃　Catherine　said　and　patted　her　hand。　〃Don't　denounce　me。　You　know　we　like　each　other。〃
〃Take　your　hand　away；〃　Ferguson　said。　Her　face　was　red。　〃If　you　had　any　shame　it　would　be　different。　But　you're　God　knows　how　many　months　gone　with　child　and　you　think　it's　a　joke　and　are　all　smiles　because　your　seducer's　e　back。　You've　no　shame　and　no　feelings。〃　She　began　to　cry。　Catherine　went　over　and　put　her　arm　around　her。　As　she　stood　forting　Ferguson；　I　could　see　no　change　in　her　figure。
〃I　don't　care；〃　Ferguson　sobbed。　〃I　think　it's　dreadful。〃
〃There；　there；　Fergy；〃　Catherine　forted　her。　〃I'll　be　ashamed。　Don't　cry；　Fergy。　Don't　cry；　old　Fergy。〃
〃I'm　not　crying；〃　Ferguson　sobbed。　〃I'm　not　crying。　Except　for　the　awful　thing　you've　gotten　into。〃　She　looked　at　me。　〃I　hate　you；〃　she　said。　〃She　can't　make　me　not　hate　you。　You　dirty　sneaking　American　Italian。〃　Her　eyes　and　nose　were　red　with　crying。
Catherine　smiled　at　me。
〃Don't　you　smile　at　him　with　your　arm　around　me。〃
〃You're　unreasonable；　Fergy。〃
〃I　know　it；〃　Ferguson　sobbed。　〃You　mustn't　mind　me；　either　of　you。　I'm　so　upset。　I'm　not　reasonable。　I　know　it。　I　want　you　both　to　be　happy。〃
〃We're　happy；〃　Catherine　said。　〃You're　a　sweet　Fergy。〃
Ferguson　cried　again。　〃I　don't　want　you　happy　the　way　you　are。　Why　don't　you　get　married？　You　haven't　got　another　wife　have　you？〃
〃No；〃　I　said。　Catherine　laughed。
〃It's　nothing　to　laugh　about；〃　Ferguson　said。　〃Plenty　of　them　have　other　wives。〃
〃We'll　be　married；　Fergy；〃　Catherine　said；　〃if　it　will　please　you。〃
〃Not　to　please　me。　You　should　want　to　be　married。〃
〃We've　been　very　busy。〃
〃Yes。　I　know。　Busy　making　babies。〃　I　thought　she　was　going　to　cry　again　but　she　went　into　bitterness　instead。　〃I　suppose　you'll　go　off　with　him　now　to…night？〃
〃Yes；〃　said　Catherine。　〃If　he　wants　me。〃
〃What　about　me？〃
〃Are　you　afraid　to　stay　here　alone？〃
〃Yes；　I　am。〃
〃Then　I'll　stay　with　you。〃
〃No；　go　on　with　him。　Go　with　him　right　away。　I'm　sick　of　seeing　both　of　you。〃
〃We'd　better　finish　dinner。〃
〃No。　Go　right　away。〃
〃Fergy；　be　reasonable。〃
〃I　say　get　out　right　away。　Go　away　both　of　you。〃
〃Let's　go　then；〃　I　said。　I　was　sick　of　Fergy。
〃You　do　want　to　go。　You　see　you　want　to　leave　me　even　to　eat　dinner　alone。　I've　always　wanted　to　go　to　the　Italian　lakes　and　this　is　how　it　is。　Oh；　Oh；〃　she　sobbed；　then　looked　at　Catherine　and　choked。
〃We'll　stay　till　after　dinner；〃　Catherine　said。　〃And　I'll　not　leave　you　alone　if　you　want　me　to　stay。　I　won't　leave　you　alone；　Fergy。〃
〃No。　No。　I　want　you　to　go。　I　want　you　to　go。〃　She　wiped　her　eyes。　〃I'm　so　unreasonable。　Please　don't　mind　me。〃
The　girl　who　served　the　meal　had　been　upset　by　all　the　crying。　Now　as　she　brought　in　the　next　course　she　seemed　relieved　that　things　were　better。
That　night　at　the　hotel；　in　our　room　with　the　long　empty　hall　outside　and　our　shoes　outside　the　door；　a　thick　carpet　on　the　floor　of　the　room；　outside　the　windows　the　rain　falling　and　in　the　room　light　and　pleasant　and　cheerful；　then　the　light　out　and　it　exciting　with　smooth　sheets　and　the　bed　fortable；　feeling　that　we　had　e　home；　feeling　no　longer　alone；　waking　in　the　night　to　find　the　other　one　there；　and　not　gone　away；　all　other　things　were　unreal。　We　slept　when　we　were　tired　and　if　we　woke　the　other　one　woke　too　so　one　was　not　alone。　Often　a　man　wishes　to　be　alone　and　a　girl　wishes　to　be　alone　too　and　if　they　love　each　other　they　are　jealous　of　that　in　each　other；　but　I　can　truly　say　we　never　felt　that。　We　could　feel　alone　when　we　were　together；　alone　against　the　others。　It　has　only　happened　to　me　like　that　once。　I　have　been　alone　while　I　was　with　many　girls　and　that　is　the　way　that　you　can　be　most　lonely。　But　we　were　never　lonely　and　never　afraid　when　we　were　together。　I　know　that　the　night　is　not　the　same　as　the　day：　that　all　things　are　different；　that　the　things　of　the　night　cannot　be　explained　in　the　day；　because　they　do　not　then　exist；　and　the　night　can　be　a　dreadful　time　for　lonely　people　once　their　loneliness　has　started。　But　with　Catherine　there　was　almost　no　difference　in　the　night　except　that　it　was　an　even　better　time。　If　people　bring　so　much　courage　to　this　world　the　world　has　to　kill　them　to　break　them；　so　of　course　it　kills　them。　The　world　breaks　every　one　and　afterward　many　are　strong　at　the　broken　places。　But　those　that　will　not　break　it　kills。　It　kills　the　very　good　and　the　very　gentle　and　the　very　brave　impartially。　If　you　are　none　of　these　you　can　be　sure　it　will　kill　you　too　but　there　will　be　no　special　hurry。
I　remember　waking　in　the　morning。　Catherine　was　asleep　and　the　sunlight　was　ing　in　through　the　window。　The　rain　had　stopped　and　I　stepped　out　of　bed　and　across　the　floor　to　the　window。　Down　below　were　the　gardens；　bare　now　but　beautifully　regular；　the　gravel　paths；　the　trees；　the　stone　wall　by　the　lake　and　the　lake　in　the　sunlight　with　the　mountains　beyond。　I　stood　at　the　window　looking　out　and　when　I　turned　away　I　saw　Catherine　was　awake　and　watching　me。
〃How　are　you；　darling？〃　she　said。　〃Isn't　it　a　lovely　day？〃
〃How　do　you　feel？〃
〃I　feel　very　well。　We　had　a　lovely　night。〃
〃Do　you　want　breakfast？〃
She　wanted　breakfast。　So　did　I　and　we　had　it　in　bed；　the　November　sunlight　ing　in　the　window；　and　the　breakfast　tray　across　my　lap。
〃Don't　you　want　the　paper？　You　always　wanted　the　paper　in　the　hospital？〃
〃No；〃　I　said。　〃I　don't　want　the　paper　now。〃
〃Was　it　so　bad　you　don't　want　even　to　read　about　it？〃
〃I　don't　want　to　read　about　it。〃
〃I　wish　I　had　been　with　you　so　I　would　know　about　it　too。〃
〃I'll　tell　you　about　it　if　I　ever　get　it　straight　in　my　head。〃
〃But　won't　they　arrest　you　if　they　catch　you　out　of　uniform？〃
〃They'll　probably　shoot　me。〃
〃Then　we'll　not　stay　here。　We'll　get　out　of　the　country。〃
〃I'd　thought　something　of　that。〃
〃We'll　get　out。　Darling；　you　shouldn't　take　silly　chances。　Tell　me　how　did　you　e　from　Mestre　to　Milan？〃
〃I　came　on　the　train。　I　was　in　uniform　then。〃
〃Weren't　you　in　danger　then？〃
〃Not　much。　I　had　an　old　order　of　movement。　I　fixed　the　dates　on　it　in　Mestre。〃
〃Darling；　you're　liable　to　be　arrested　here　any　time。　I　won't　have　it。　It's　silly　to　do　something　like　that。　Where　would　we　be　if　they　took　you　off？〃
〃Let's　not　think　about　it。　I'm　tired　of　thinking　about　it。〃
〃What　would　you　do　if　they　came　to　arrest　you？〃
〃Shoot　them。〃
〃You　see　how　silly　you　are；　I　won't　let　you　go　out　of　the　hotel　until　we　leave　here。〃
〃Where　are　we　going　to　go？〃
〃Please　don't　be　that　way；　darling。　We'll　go　wherever　you　say。　But　please　find　some　place　to　go　right　away。〃
〃Switzerland　is　down　the　lake；　we　can　go　there。〃
〃That　will　be　lovely。〃
It　was　clouding　over　outside　and　the　lake　was　darkening。
〃I　wish　we　did　not　always　have　to　live　like　criminals；〃　I　said。
〃Darling；　don't　be　that　way。　You　haven't　lived　like　a　criminal　very　long。　And　we　never　live　like　criminals。　We're　going　to　have　a　fine　time。〃
〃I　feel　like　a　criminal。　I've　deserted　from　the　army。〃
〃Darling；　please　be　sensible。　It's　not　deserting　from　the　army。　It's　only　the　Italian　army。〃
I　laughed。　〃You're　a　fine　girl。　Let's　get　back　into　bed。　I　feel　fine　in　bed。〃
A　little　while　later　Catherine　said；　〃You　don't　feel　like　a　criminal　do　you？〃
〃No；〃　I　said。　〃Not　when　I'm　with　you。〃
〃You're　such　a　silly　boy；〃　she　said。　〃But　I'll　look　after　you。　Isn't　it　splendid；　darling；　that　I　don't　have　any　morning…sickness？〃
〃It's　grand。〃
〃You　don't　appreciate　what　a　fine　wife　you　have。　But　I　don't　care。　I'll　get　you　some　place　where　they　can't　arrest　you　and　then　we'll　have　a　lovely　time。〃
〃Let's　go　there　right　away。〃
〃We　will；　darling。　I'll　go　any　place　any　time　you　wish。〃
〃Let's　not　think　about　anything。〃
〃All　right。〃




35


Catherine　went　along　the　lake　to　the　little　hotel　to　see　Ferguson　and　I　sat　in　the　bar　and　read　the　papers。　There　were　fortable　leather　chairs　in　the　bar　and　I　sat　in　one　of　them　and　read　until　the　barman　came　in。　The　army　had　not　stood　at　the　Tagliamento。　They　were　falling　back　to　the　Piave。　I　remembered　the　Piave。　The　railroad　crossed　it　near　San　Dona　going　up　to　the　front。　It　was　deep　and　slow　there　and　quite　narrow。　Down　below　there　were　mosquito　marshes　and　canals。　There　were　some　lovely　villas。　Once；　before　the　war；　going　up　to　Cortina　D'Ampezzo　I　had　gone　along　it　for　several　hours　in　the　hills。　Up　there　it　looked　like　a　trout　stream；　flowing　swiftly　with　shallow　stretches　and　pools　under　the　shadow　of　the　rocks。　The　road　turned　off　from　it　at　Cadore。　I　wondered　how　the　army　that　was　up　there　would　e　down。　The　barman　came　in。
〃Count　Greffi　was　asking　for　you；〃　he　said。
〃Who？〃
〃Count　Greffi。　You　remember　the　old　man　who　was　here　when　you　were　here　before。〃
〃Is　he　here？〃
〃Yes；　he's　here　with　his　niece。　I　told　him　you　were　here。　He　wants　you　to　play　billiards。〃
〃Where　is　he？〃
〃He's　taking　a　walk。〃
〃How　is　he？〃
〃He's　younger　than　ever。　He　drank　three　champagne　cocktails　last　night　before　dinner。〃
〃How's　his　billiard　game？〃
〃Good。　He　beat　me。　When　I　told　him　you　were　here　he　was　very　pleased。　There's　nobody　here　for　him　to　play　with。〃
Count　Greffi　was　ninety…four　years　old。　He　had　been　a　contemporary　of　Metternich　and　was　an　old　man　with　white　hair　and　mustache　and　beautiful　manners。　He　had　been　in　the　diplomatic　service　of　both　Austria　and　Italy　and　his　birthday　parties　were　the　great　social　event　of　Milan。　He　was　living　to　be　one　hundred　years　old　and　played　a　smoothly　fluent　game　of　billiards　that　contrasted　with　his　own　ninety…four…year…old　brittleness。　I　had　met　him　when　I　had　been　at　Stresa　once　before　out　of　season　and　while　we　played　billiards　we　drank　champagne。　I　thought　it　was　a　splendid　custom　and　he　gave　me　fifteen　points　in　a　hundred　and　beat　me。
〃Why　didn't　you　tell　me　he　was　here？〃
〃I　forgot　it。〃
〃Who　else　is　here？〃
〃No　one　you　know。　There　are　only　six　people　altogether。〃
〃What　are　you　doing　now？〃
〃Nothing。〃
〃e　on　out　fishing。〃
〃I　could　e　for　an　hour。〃
〃e　on。　Bring　the　trolling　line。〃
The　barman　put　on　a　coat　and　we　went　out。　We　went　down　and　got　a　boat　and　I　rowed　while　the　barman　sat　in　the　stern　and　let　out　the　line　with　a　spinner　and　a　heavy　sinker　on　the　end　to　troll　for　lake　trout。　We　rowed　along　the　shore；　the　barman　holding　the　line　in　his　hand　and　giving　it　occasional　jerks　forward。　Stresa　looked　very　deserted　from　the　lake。　There　were　the　long　rows　of　bare　trees；　the　big　hotels　and　the　closed　villas。　I　rowed　across　to　Isola　Bella　and　went　close　to　the　walls；　where　the　water　deepened　sharply；　and　you　saw　the　rock　wall　slanting　down　in　the　clear　water；　and　then　up　and　along　to　the　fisherman's　island。　The　sun　was　under　a　cloud　and