new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第18部分

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〃Five　foot　four　is　perfectly　average。〃　I　sniffed。　〃It's　not　my　fault　you're　a　
freak。〃　
We　bantered　like　that　till　Hoquiam；　still　arguing　over　the　correct　formula　to　
determine　age—I　lost　two　
more　years　because　I　didn't　know　how　to　change　a　tire；　but　gained　one　back　for　
being　in　charge　of　the　
bookkeeping　at　my　house—until　we　were　in　Checker；　and　Jacob　had　to　
concentrate　again。　We　found　
everything　left　on　his　list；　and　Jacob　felt　confident　that　he　could　make　a　lot　
of　progress　with　our　haul。　
By　the　time　we　got　back　to　La　Push；　I　was　twenty…three　and　he　was　thirty—he　
was　definitely　weighting　
skills　in　his　favor。　
I　hadn't　forgotten　the　reason　for　what　I　was　doing。　And；　even　though　I　was　
enjoying　myself　more　than　I'd　
thought　possible；　there　was　no　lessening　of　my　original　desire。　I　still　wanted　
to　cheat。　It　was　senseless；　
and　I　really　didn't　care。　I　was　going　to　be　as　reckless　as　I　could　possibly　
manage　in　Forks。　I　would　not　
be　the　only　keeper　of　an　empty　contract。　Getting　to　spend　time　with　Jacob　was　
just　a　much　bigger　perk　
than　I'd　expected。　
Billy　wasn't　back　yet；　so　we　didn't　have　to　be　sneaky　about　unloading　our　
day's　spoils。　As　soon　as　we　
had　everything　laid　out　on　the　plastic　floor　next　to　Jacob's　toolbox；　he　went　
right　to　work；　still　talking　and　
laughing　while　his　fingers　bed　expertly　through　the　metal　pieces　in　front　
of　him。　
Jacob's　skill　with　his　hands　was　fascinating。　They　looked　too　big　for　the　
delicate　tasks　they　performed　
with　ease　and　precision。　While　he　worked；　he　seemed　almost　graceful。　Unlike　
when　he　was　on　his　feet；　
there；　his　height　and　big　feet　made　him　nearly　as　dangerous　as　I　was。　
Quil　and　Embry　did　not　show　up；　so　maybe　his　threat　yesterday　had　been　taken　
seriously。　
The　day　passed　too　quickly。　It　got　dark　outside　the　mouth　of　the　garage　before　
I　was　expecting　it；　and　
then　we　heard　Billy　calling　for　us。　
I　jumped　up　to　help　Jacob　put　things　away；　hesitating　because　I　wasn't　sure　
what　I　should　touch。　
〃Just　leave　it；〃　he　said。　〃I'll　work　on　it　later　tonight。〃　
〃Don't　forget　your　schoolwork　or　anything；〃　I　said；　feeling　a　little　guilty。　I　
didn't　want　him　to　get　in　trouble。　
That　plan　was　just　for　me。　
〃Bella？〃　
Both　our　heads　snapped　up　as　Charlie's　familiar　voice　wafted　through　the　
trees；　sounding　closer　than　the　
house。　
〃Shoot；〃　I　muttered。　〃ing！〃　I　yelled　toward　the　house。　
〃Let's　go。〃　Jacob　smiled；　enjoying　the　cloak…and…dagger。　He　snapped　the　light　
off；　and　for　a　moment　I　
was　blind。　Jacob　grabbed　my　hand　and　towed　me　out　of　the　garage　and　through　
the　trees；　his　feet　finding　
the　familiar　path　easily。　His　hand　was　rough；　and　very　warm。　
Despite　the　path；　we　were　both　tripping　over　our　feet　in　the　darkness。　So　we　
were　also　both　laughing　
when　the　house　came　into　view。　The　laughter　did　not　go　deep；　it　was　light　and　
superficial；　but　still　nice。　I　
was　sure　he　wouldn't　notice　the　faint　hint　of　hysteria。　I　wasn't　used　to　
laughing；　and　it　felt　right　and　also　
very　wrong　at　the　same　time。　
Charlie　was　standing　under　the　little　back　porch；　and　Billy　was　sitting　in　the　
doorway　behind　them。　
〃Hey；　Dad；〃　we　both　said　at　the　same　time；　and　that　started　us　laughing　again。　
Charlie　stared　at　me　with　wide　eyes　that　flashed　down　to　note　Jacob's　hand　
around　mine。　
〃Billy　invited　us　for　dinner；〃　Charlie　said　to　us　in　an　absentminded　tone。　
〃My　super　secret　recipe　for　spaghetti。　Handed　down　for　generations；〃　Billy　
said　gravely。　
Jacob　snorted。　〃I　don't　think　Ragu's　actually　been　around　that　long。〃　
The　house　was　crowded。　Harry　Clearwater　was　there；　too；　with　his　family—his　
wife；　Sue；　whom　I　knew　
vaguely　from　my　childhood　summers　in　Forks；　and　his　two　children。　Leah　was　a　
senior　like　me；　but　a　
year　older。　She　was　beautiful　in　an　exotic　way—perfect　copper　skin；　
glistening　black　hair；　eyelashes　like　
feather　dusters—and　preoccupied。　She　was　on　Billy's　phone　when　we　got　in；　and　
she　never　let　it　go。　
Seth　was　fourteen；　he　hung　on　Jacob's　every　word　with　idolizing　eyes。　
There　were　too　many　of　us　for　the　kitchen　table；　so　Charlie　and　Harry　brought　
chairs　out　to　the　yard；　and　
we　ate　spaghetti　off　plates　on　our　laps　in　the　dim　light　from　Billy's　open　
door。　The　men　talked　about　the　
game；　and　Harry　and　Charlie　made　fishing　plans。　Sue　teased　her　husband　about　
his　cholesterol　and　tried；　
unsuccessfully；　to　shame　him　into　eating　something　green　and　leafy。　Jacob　
talked　mostly　to　me　and　Seth；　
who　interrupted　eagerly　whenever　Jacob　seemed　in　danger　of　forgetting　him。　
Charlie　watched　me；　trying　
to　be　inconspicuous　about　it；　with　pleased　but　cautious　eyes。　
It　was　loud　and　sometimes　confusing　as　everyone　talked　over　everyone　else；　and　
the　laughter　from　one　
joke　interrupted　the　telling　of　another。　I　didn't　have　to　speak　often；　but　I　
smiled　a　lot；　and　only　because　I　
felt　like　it。　
I　didn't　want　to　leave。　
This　was　Washington；　though；　and　the　inevitable　rain　eventually　broke　up　the　
party；　Billy's　living　room　
was　much　too　small　to　provide　an　option　for　continuing　the　get…together。　Harry　
had　driven　Charlie　down；　
so　we　rode　together　in　my　truck　on　the　way　back　home。　He　asked　about　my　day；　
and　I　told　mostly　the　
truth—that　I'd　gone　with　Jacob　to　look　at　parts　and　then　watched　him　work　in　
his　garage。　
〃You　think　you'll　visit　again　anytime　soon？〃　he　wondered；　trying　to　be　casual　
about　it。　
〃Tomorrow　after　school；〃　I　admitted。　〃I'll　take　homework；　don't　worry。〃　
〃You　be　sure　to　do　that；〃　he　ordered；　trying　to　disguise　his　satisfaction。　
I　was　nervous　when　we　got　to　the　house。　I　didn't　want　to　go　upstairs。　The　
warmth　of　Jacob's　presence　
was　fading　and；　in　its　absence；　the　anxiety　grew　stronger。　I　was　sure　I　
wouldn't　get　away　with　two　
peaceful　nights　of　sleep　in　a　row。　
To　put　bedtime　off；　I　checked　my　e…mail；　there　was　a　new　message　from　Renee。　
She　wrote　about　her　day；　a　new　book　club　that　rilled　the　time　slot　of　the　
meditation　classes　she'd　just　
quit；　her　week　subbing　in　the　second　grade；　missing　her　kindergarteners。　She　
wrote　that　Phil　was　
enjoying　his　new　coaching　job；　and　that　they　were　planning　a　second　honeymoon　
trip　to　Disney　World。　
And　I　noticed　that　the　whole　thing　read　like　a　journal　entry；　rather　than　a　
letter　to　someone　else。　Remorse　
flooded　through　me；　leaving　an　unfortable　sting　behind。　Some　daughter　I　
was。　
I　wrote　back　to　her　quickly；　menting　on　each　part　of　her　letter；　
volunteering　information　of　my　
own—describing　the　spaghetti　party　at　Billy's　and　how　I　felt　watching　Jacob　
build　useful　things　out　of　
small　pieces　of　metal—awed　and　slightly　envious。　I　made　no　reference　to　the　
change　this　letter　would　be　
from　the　ones　she'd　received　in　the　last　several　months。　I　could　barely　
remember　what　I'd　written　to　her　
even　as　recently　as　last　week；　but　I　was　sure　it　wasn't　very　responsive。　The　
more　I　thought　about　it；　the　
guiltier　I　felt；　I　really　must　have　worried　her。　
I　stayed　up　extra　late　after　that；　finishing　more　homework　than　strictly　
necessary。　But　neither　sleep　
deprivation　nor　the　time　spent　with　Jacob—being　almost　happy　in　a　shallow　
kind　of　way—could　keep　
the　dream　away　for　two　nights　in　a　row。　
I　woke　shuddering；　my　scream　muffled　by　the　pillow。　
As　the　dim　morning　light　filtered　through　the　fog　outside　my　window；　I　lay　
still　in　bed　and　tried　to　shake　
off　the　dream。　There　had　been　a　small　difference　last　night；　and　I　
concentrated　on　that。　
Last　night　I　had　not　been　alone　in　the　woods。　Sam　Uley—the　man　who　had　pulled　
me　from　the　forest　
floor　that　night　I　couldn't　bear　to　think　of　consciously—was　there。　It　was　an　
odd；　unexpected　alteration。　
The　man's　dark　eyes　had　been　surprisingly　unfriendly；　filled　with　some　secret　
he　didn't　seem　inclined　to　
share。　I'd　stared　at　him　as　often　as　my　frantic　searching　had　allowed；　it　made　
me　unfortable；　under　all　
the　usual　panic；　to　have　him　there。　Maybe　that　was　because；　when　I　didn't　look　
directly　at　him；　his　shape　
seemed　to　shiver　and　change　in　my　peripheral　vision。　Yet　he　did　nothing　but　
stand　and　watch。　Unlike　the　
time　when　we　had　met　in　reality；　he　did　not　offer　me　his　help。　
Charlie　stared　at　me　during　breakfast；　and　I　tried　to　ignore　him。　I　supposed　I　
deserved　it。　I　couldn't　
expect　him　not　to　worry。　It　would　probably　be　weeks　before　he　stopped　watching　
for　the　return　of　the　
zombie；　and　I　would　just　have　to　try　to　not　let　it　bother　me。　After　all；　I　
would　be　watching　for　the　return　
of　the　zombie；　too。　Two　days　was　hardly　long　enough　to　call　me　cured。　
School　was　the　opposite。　Now　that　I　was　paying　attention；　it　was　clear　that　no　
one　was　watching　here。　
I　remembered　the　first　day　I'd　e　to　Forks　High　School—how　desperately　I'd　
wished　that　I　could　turn　
gray；　fade　into　the　wet　concrete　of　the　sidewalk　like　an　oversized　chameleon。　
It　seemed　I　was　getting　that　
wish　answered；　a　year　late。　
It　was　like　I　wasn't　there。　Even　my　teachers'　eyes　slid　past　my　seat　as　if　it　
were　empty。　
I　listened　all　through　the　morning；　hearing　once　again　the　voices　of　the　
people　around　me。　I　tried　to　catch　
up　on　what　was　going　on；　but　the　conversations　were　so　disjointed　that　I　gave　
up。　
Jessica　didn't　look　up　when　I　sat　down　next　to　her　in　Calculus。　
〃Hey；　Jess；〃　I　said　with　put…on　nonchalance。　〃How　was　the　rest　of　your　
weekend？〃　
She　looked　at　me　with　suspicious　eyes。　Could　she　still　be　angry？　Or　was　she　
just　too　impatient　to　deal　
with　a　crazy　person？　
〃Super；〃　she　said；　turning　back　to　her　book。　
〃That's　good；〃　I　mumbled。　
The　figure　of　speech　cold　shoulder　seemed　to　have　some　literal　truth　to　it。　I　
could　feel　the　warm　air　
blowing　from　the　floor　vents；　but　I　was　still　too　cold。　I　took　the　jacket　off　
the　back　of　my　chair　and　put　it　
on　again。　
My　fourth　hour　class　got　out　late；　and　the　lunch　table　I　always　sat　at　was　
full　by　the　time　I　arrived。　Mike　
was　there；　Jessica　and　Angela；　Conner；　Tyler；　Eric　and　Lauren。　Katie　Marshall；　
the　redheaded　junior　
who　lived　around　the　corner　from　me；　was　sitting　with　Eric；　and　Austin　Marks—
older　brother　to　the　boy　
with　the　motorcycles—was　next　to　her。　I　wondered　how　long　they'd　been　sitting　
here；　unable　to　
remember　if　this　was　the　first　day　or　something　that　was　a　regular　habit。　
I　was　beginning　to　get　annoyed　with　myself。　I　might　as　well　have　been　packed　
in　Styrofoam　peanuts　
through　the　last　semester。　
No　one　looked　up　when　I　sat　down　next　to　Mike；　even　though　the　chair　squealed　
stridently　against　the　
linoleum　as　I　dragged　it　back。　
I　tried　to　catch　up　with　the　conversation。　
Mike　and　Conner　were　talking　sports；　so　I　gave　up　on　that　one　at　once。　
〃Where's　Ben　today？〃　Lauren　was　asking　Angela。　I　perked　up；　interested。　I　
wondered　if　that　meant　
Angela　and　Ben　were　still　together。　
I　barely　recognized　Lauren。　She'd　cut　off　all　her　blond；　corn…silk　hair—now　
she　had　a　pixie　cut　so　short　
that　the　back　was　shaved　like　a　boy。　What　an　odd　thing　for　her　to　do。　I　wished　
I　knew　the　reason　behind　
it。　Did　she　get　gum　stuck　in　it？　Did　she　sell　it？　Had　all　the　people　she　was　
habitually　nasty　to　caught　her　
behind　the　gym　and　scalped　her？　I　decided　it　wasn't　fair　for　me　to　judge　her　
now　by　my　former　opinion。　
For　all　I　knew；　she'd　turned　into　a　ni