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雨果 悲惨世界 英文版1-第48部分
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pable of dissipating the mystery in which he had enveloped himself； would suddenly blaze forth above his head； and that that name would not menace him； that that light would but produce an obscurity more dense； that this rent veil would but increase the mystery； that this earthquake would solidify his edifice； that this prodigious incident would have no other result； so far as he was concerned； if so it seemed good to him； than that of rendering his existence at once clearer and more impenetrable； and that； out of his confrontation with the phantom of Jean Valjean； the good and worthy citizen Monsieur Madeleine would emerge more honored； more peaceful； and more respected than everif any one had told him that； he would have tossed his head and regarded the words as those of a madman。
Well； all this was precisely what had just e to pass； all that accumulation of impossibilities was a fact； and God had permitted these wild fancies to bee real things！
His revery continued to grow clearer。
He came more and more to an understanding of his position。
It seemed to him that he had but just waked up from some inexplicable dream； and that he found himself slipping down a declivity in the middle of the night； erect； shivering； holding back all in vain； on the very brink of the abyss。
He distinctly perceived in the darkness a stranger； a man unknown to him； whom destiny had mistaken for him； and whom she was thrusting into the gulf in his stead； in order that the gulf might close once more； it was necessary that some one； himself or that other man； should fall into it： he had only let things take their course。
The light became plete； and he acknowledged this to himself： That his place was empty in the galleys； that do what he would； it was still awaiting him； that the theft from little Gervais had led him back to it； that this vacant place would await him； and draw him on until he filled it； that this was inevitable and fatal； and then he said to himself； 〃that； at this moment； be had a substitute； that it appeared that a certain Champmathieu had that ill luck； and that； as regards himself； being present in the galleys in the person of that Champmathieu； present in society under the name of M。 Madeleine； he had nothing more to fear； provided that he did not prevent men from sealing over the head of that Champmathieu this stone of infamy which； like the stone of the sepulchre； falls once； never to rise again。〃
All this was so strange and so violent； that there suddenly took place in him that indescribable movement； which no man feels more than two or three times in the course of his life； a sort of convulsion of the conscience which stirs up all that there is doubtful in the heart； which is posed of irony； of joy； and of despair； and which may be called an outburst of inward laughter。
He hastily relighted his candle。
〃Well； what then？〃 he said to himself； 〃what am I afraid of？ What is there in all that for me to think about？
I am safe； all is over。
I had but one partly open door through which my past might invade my life； and behold that door is walled up forever！ That Javert； who has been annoying me so long； that terrible instinct which seemed to have divined me； which had divined me good God！ and which followed me everywhere； that frightful hunting…dog； always making a point at me； is thrown off the scent； engaged elsewhere； absolutely turned from the trail：
henceforth he is satisfied； he will leave me in peace； he has his Jean Valjean。 Who knows？ it is even probable that he will wish to leave town！ And all this has been brought about without any aid from me； and I count for nothing in it！
Ah！ but where is the misfortune in this？ Upon my honor； people would think； to see me； that some catastrophe had happened to me！
After all； if it does bring harm to some one； that is not my fault in the least：
it is Providence which has done it all； it is because it wishes it so to be； evidently。
Have I the right to disarrange what it has arranged？
What do I ask now？ Why should I meddle？
It does not concern me； what！
I am not satisfied： but what more do I want？
The goal to which I have aspired for so many years； the dream of my nights； the object of my prayers to Heaven；security；I have now attained； it is God who wills it； I can do nothing against the will of God； and why does God will it？ In order that I may continue what I have begun； that I may do good； that I may one day be a grand and encouraging example； that it may be said at last； that a little happiness has been attached to the penance which I have undergone； and to that virtue to which I have returned。
Really； I do not understand why I was afraid； a little while ago； to enter the house of that good cure； and to ask his advice； this is evidently what he would have said to me： It is settled； let things take their course； let the good God do as he likes！〃
Thus did he address himself in the depths of his own conscience； bending over what may be called his own abyss； he rose from his chair； and began to pace the room：
〃e；〃 said he； 〃let us think no more about it； my resolve is taken！〃 but he felt no joy。
Quite the reverse。
One can no more prevent thought from recurring to an idea than one can the sea from returning to the shore：
the sailor calls it the tide； the guilty man calls it remorse； God upheaves the soul as he does the ocean。
After the expiration of a few moments； do what he would； he resumed the gloomy dialogue in which it was he who spoke and he who listened； saying that which he would have preferred to ignore； and listened to that which he would have preferred not to hear； yielding to that mysterious power which said to him：
〃Think！〃 as it said to another condemned man； two thousand years ago； 〃March on！〃
Before proceeding further； and in order to make ourselves fully understood； let us insist upon one necessary observation。
It is certain that people do talk to themselves； there is no living being who has not done it。
It may even be said that the word is never a more magnificent mystery than when it goes from thought to conscience within a man； and when it returns from conscience to thought； it is in this sense only that the words so often employed in this chapter； he said； he exclaimed； must be understood； one speaks to one's self； talks to one's self； exclaims to one's self without breaking the external silence； there is a great tumult； everything about us talks except the mouth。
The realities of the soul are none the less realities because they are not visible and palpable。
So he asked himself where he stood。
He interrogated himself upon that 〃settled resolve。〃
He confessed to himself that all that he had just arranged in his mind was monstrous； that 〃to let things take their course； to let the good God do as he liked；〃 was simply horrible； to allow this error of fate and of men to be carried out； not to hinder it； to lend himself to it through his silence； to do nothing； in short； was to do everything！ that this was hypocritical baseness in the last degree！ that it was a base； cowardly； sneaking； abject； hideous crime！
For the first time in eight years； the wretched man had just tasted the bitter savor of an evil thought and of an evil action。
He spit it out with disgust。
He continued to question himself。
He asked himself severely what he had meant by this； 〃My object is attained！〃
He declared to himself that his life really had an object； but what object？ To conceal his name？
To deceive the police？
Was it for so petty a thing that he had done all that he had done？
Had he not another and a grand object； which was the true oneto save； not his person； but his soul； to bee honest and good once more； to be a just man？ Was it not that above all； that alone； which he had always desired； which the Bishop had enjoined upon himto shut the door on his past？ But he was not shutting it！ great God！ he was re…opening it by mitting an infamous action！
He was being a thief once more； and the most odious of thieves！
He was robbing another of his existence； his life； his peace； his place in the sunshine。 He was being an assassin。
He was murdering； morally murdering； a wretched man。
He was inflicting on him that frightful living death； that death beneath the open sky； which is called the galleys。 On the other hand； to surrender himself to save that man； struck down with so melancholy an error； to resume his own name； to bee once more； out of duty； the convict Jean Valjean； that was； in truth； to achieve his resurrection； and to close forever that hell whence he had just emerged； to fall back there in appearance was to escape from it in reality。
This must be done！
He had done nothing if he did not do all this； his whole life was useless； all his penitence was wasted。
There was no longer any need of saying； 〃What is the use？〃
He felt that the Bishop was there； that the Bishop was present all the more because he was dead； that the Bishop was gazing fixedly at him； that henceforth Mayor Madeleine； with all his virtues； would be abominable to him； and that the convict Jean Valjean would be pure and admirable in his sight； that men beheld his mask； but that the Bishop saw his face； that men saw his life； but that the Bishop beheld his conscience。 So he must go to Arras； deliver the false Jean Valjean； and denounce the real one。
Alas！ that was the greatest of sacrifices； the most poignant of victories； the last step to take； but it must be done。 Sad fate！ he would enter into sanctity only in the eyes of God when he returned to infamy in the eyes of men。
〃Well； said he； 〃let us decide upon this； let us do our duty； let us save this man。〃
He uttered these words aloud； without perceiving that he was speaking aloud。
He took his books； verified them； and put them in order。 He flung in the fire a bundle of bills which he had against petty and embarrassed tradesmen。
He wrote and sealed a letter； and on the envelope it might have been read； had there been any one in his chamber at the moment； To Monsieur Laffitte； Banker； Rue d'Artois； Paris。
He drew from his secretary a pocket…book which contained several bank…notes and the passport of which he had made use that same year when he went to the elections。
Any one who had seen him during the execution of these various acts； into which there entered such grave thought； would have had no suspicion of what was going on within him。
Only occasionally did his lips move； at other times he raised his head and fixed his gaze upon some point of the wall； as though there existed at that point something which he wished to elucidate or interrogate。
When he had finished the letter to M。 Laffitte； he put it into his pocket； together with the pocket…book； and began his walk once more。
His revery had not swerved from its course。
He continued to see his duty clearly； written in luminous letters； which flamed before his eyes and changed its place as he altered the direction of his glance：
〃Go！
Tell your name！
Denounce yourself！〃
BOOK SEVENTH。THE CHAMPMATHIEU AFFAIR
CHAPTER III（2）
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