anner.bloodandgold-第84部分

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ut　I　did　not。　I　followed　her　wishes　and　left　him　unharmed。　What　a　dejected　creature　he　was。　How　he　loved　her。　I　followed　her　wishes　as　I've　said。　I'll　follow　her　wishes　tonight；　as　I　always　do。〃
　　　〃That's　very　good　of　you；〃　I　replied；　my　throat　so　tight　I　could　scarcely　utter　the　words。　〃Let　me　go　now。　I　have　waited　longer　than　you　can　possibly　imagine　for　this　moment。　I　can't　stand　here　and　
　　　converse　with　you　as　though　she　weren't　steps　away　from　me。〃
　　　〃I　can　imagine　how　long　you've　waited；〃　he　said。　〃I　am　older　than　you　think。〃
　　　I　nodded；　and　I　slowly　withdrew　from　him。
　　　I　couldn't　bear　it　anymore。
　　　Immediately　I　entered　the　immense　ballroom。
　　　The　orchestra　was　playing　one　of　the　soft　fluid　dances　so　popular　in　those　times；　nothing　as　spirited　as　music　would　later　bee；　and　the　lavish　room　was　full　of　radiant　faces　and　busy　dancing　figures；　and　myriad　colors。
　　　I　peered　through　the　happy　crowd；　moving　slowly　along　one　wall　and　then　another。
　　　Quite　suddenly　I　saw　her。　She　didn't　know　I　was　there。　Her　panion　had　sent　her　no　mental　warning。
　　　She　was　sitting　alone；　artfully　dressed　in　her　fashionable　clothes；　her　satin　bodice　very　tight　and　graceful；　her　ornate　skirts　huge；　and　her　lovely　white　face　framed　by　her　natural　brown　hair　drawn　back　and　up　in　a　fancy　style　with　rubies　and　diamonds。
　　　I　leant　against　the　clavichord；　smiling　benevolently　at　the　musician　who　played　it　with　such　skill；　and　then　I　turned　to　gaze　at　her。
　　　How　sad　was　her　expression；　how　remote；　how　unutterably　beautiful。　
　　　　Was　she　watching　the　colors　of　the　room　as　I　watched　them？　Did　she　feel　the　same　gentle　love　for　mortals　which　I　felt？　What　would　she　do　when　she　realized　I　was　watching　her？
　　　I　didn't　know。　I　was　afraid。　I　couldn't　know　anything　until　I　heard　the　sound　of　her　voice。　I　continued　to　look。　I　continued　to　savor　this　moment　of　bliss　and　safety。
　　　Suddenly；　she　saw　me。　She　picked　me　out　of　the　hundreds　of　faces。　Her　eyes　fixed　on　me；　and　I　saw　the　blood　rush　into　her　beautiful　cheeks　and　her　mouth　opened　to　speak　the　name　Marius。
　　　I　heard　it　over　the　thin　sweet　music。
　　　I　raised　my　fingers　to　my　lips；　just　as　Bianca　had　done　only　a　little　while　ago；　and　I　blew　a　kiss　to　her。
　　　How　sad　and　happy　at　once　she　seemed；　her　mouth　opened　in　a　half　smile　as　she　gazed　at　me。　She　seemed　as　frozen　in　her　place　as　I　was。
　
　　　But　this　was　intolerable。　What　were　these　volumes　of　silence　which　divided　us！
　　　Quickly　I　crossed　the　dance　floor　and　bowed　before　her。　I　lifted　her　cold　white　hand；　and　led　her　out　and　into　the　dance；　and　would　take　no　resistance　from　her。
　　　〃No；　you're　mine；　you're　mine；　do　you　hear？〃　I　whispered。　〃Don't　pull　away　from　me。〃
　　　〃Marius；　I　fear　him　and　he　is　strong；〃　she　whispered　in　my　ear。　〃I　must　explain　to　him　that　we've　found　each　other。〃
　　　〃I　don't　fear　him。　Besides　he　knows。　What　does　it　matter？〃
　　　We　were　dancing　as　if　we　said　no　such　things　to　one　another。　I　held　her　tight　and　kissed　her　cheeks。　I　didn't　care　what　the　mortals　around　us　might　think　of　this　impropriety。　How　very　absurd　was　the　whole　notion。
　　　　〃Pandora；　my　blessed　love；　if　only　you　could　know　how　long　I've　waited。　What　use　is　it　to　tell　you　now　that　from　the　very　beginning　I　have　missed　you　in　pure　agony？　Pandora；　listen　to　me；　don't　close　your　eyes；　don't　look　away。　I　knew　within　the　year；　the　very　year；　that　I　had　made　a　dreadful　error！〃
　　　I　realized　that　I　was　turning　her　too　violently：　I　was　pressing　her　hand　too　hard。　I　had　lost　the　cadence　of　the　dance。　The　music　was　a　strange　shrill　noise　in　my　ears。　I　had　lost　control　of　everything。
　　　She　pulled　back　to　look　into　my　eyes。　〃Take　me　out　on　the　pavilion；〃　she　said。　〃We　can　talk　in　the　river　breeze。　The　music　makes　me　dizzy。〃　Immediately　I　led　her　through　a　huge　pair　of　doors　and　we　found　ourselves　on　a　stone　bench　overlooking　the　river。
　　　I　shall　never　forget　how　clear　it　was　that　night；　how　much　the　stars　seemed　in　my　favor；　and　how　brilliant　the　light　of　the　moon　on　the　Elbe。　All　around　us　were　pots　of　flowers；　and　other　couples　or　groups　of　mortals　who　had　e　to　gain　a　little　air　before　returning　to　the　ballroom。
　　　But　in　the　main　we　had　the　shadows　to　ourselves　and　I　gave　way　to　kissing　her。　I　felt　her　perfect　cheeks　beneath　my　lips。　I　kissed　her　throat。　I　felt　her　brown　hair　with　its　tight　waves；　which　I　had　so　often　painted　on　my　wild　nymphs　as　they　ran　through　my　thick　gardens。　I　wanted　to　pull　it　loose。
　　　〃Don't　leave　me　again；〃　I　said。　〃No　matter　what　is　said　between　us　tonight。　Don't　leave　me。〃
　　　　〃Marius；　it　was　you　who　left　me；〃　she　said；　and　I　heard　a　tremor　in　her　voice　which　frightened　me。　〃Marius；　that　was　so　long　ago；〃　she　said　sadly。　〃Marius；　I　wandered　so　far　and　wide　searching　for　you。〃
　　　〃Yes；　yes；　I　admit　to　all；〃　I　said。　〃I　admit　to　every　error。　How　could　I　guess　what　it　meant　to　break　the　tie？　Pandora；　I　didn't　know！　Yea　gods；　I　didn't　know！　Believe　me；　I　didn't　know。　Tell　me　you　will　leave　this　creature；　Arjun；　and　e　back　to　me。　Pandora；　I　want　nothing　short　of　this！　I　can't　make　pretty　words。　I　can't　recite　old　poems。　
　　　Pandora；　look　at　me。〃
　　　　〃I　am　looking　at　you！〃　she　declared。　〃Don't　you　see；　you　blind　me！　Marius；　don't　think　I　too　haven't　dreamt　of　this　reunion。　And　now　you　see　me　in　this　shame；　this　weakness。〃
　　　〃What？　I　don't　care！　What　shame　and　weakness？〃
　　　〃That　I'm　a　slave　to　my　panion；　Arjun；　that　I　let　him　move　me　through　the　world；　that　on　my　own；　I　possess　no　will；　no　momentum。　Marius；　I　am　nothing　now。〃
　　　〃No；　that's　not　true；　and　besides　it　doesn't　matter。　I'll　free　you　from　Arjun。　I　have　no　fear　of　him　whatsoever；　and　then　you'll　be　with　me　and　all　your　old　spirit　will　e　back　to　you。〃
　　　〃You　dream；〃　she　said　and　the　first　coldness　came　into　her　face　and　into　her　voice。　It　was　in　her　brown　eyes；　a　coldness　that　es　from　sorrow。
　　　〃Are　you　telling　me；〃　I　demanded；　〃that　you　mean　to　leave　me　again　for　this　creature？　You　think　I　will　stand　for　it？〃
　　　〃And　what　are　you　saying　to　me；　Marius；　that　you　will　force　me？〃　Her　voice　was　low；　distant。
　　　〃But　you've　told　me　you're　weak；　you've　told　me　you're　a　slave。　Is　this　not　asking　for　me　to　force　you？〃
　　　She　shook　her　head。　She　was　ready　to　weep。　Again　I　wanted　to　pull　down　her　hair；　to　see　it　loose；　to　take　the　jewels　out　of　it。　I　wanted　to　take　her　face　in　my　hands。
　　　I　did　it。　I　held　her　face　too　roughly。
　　　〃Pandora；　listen　to　me；〃　I　said。　〃One　hundred　years　ago；　I　learnt　from　a　strange　mortal　that　in　your　wanderings　with　this　creature　you　circled　again　and　again　the　city　of　Dresden。　And　learning　this；　I　moved　myself　to　this　city　to　wait　for　you。　Not　a　night　has　passed　that　I　have　not　awakened　to　look　through　Dresden　to　find　you。
　　　　〃Now　that　I　have　you　in　my　arms　I　have　no　intention　of　abandoning　you。〃
　　　She　shook　her　head。　She　seemed　for　a　moment　incapable　of　speech。　I　felt　that　she　was　imprisoned　in　her　strange　fashionable　garments　and　lost　in　some　painful　reverie。
　　　〃But　what　can　I　give　you；　Marius；　but　what　you've　already　learnt？　The　knowledge　that　I　live　still；　that　I　endure；　that　I　wander？　With　or　without　Arjun；　what　does　it　matter？〃
　　　She　turned　her　eyes　to　me；　wondering。
　　　〃And　what　do　I　learn　from　you　except　that　you　go　on；　and　that　you　endure…that　those　demons　in　Rome　did　not　destroy　you　as　they　claimed；　that　you　were　burnt；　yes；　I　can　see　that　in　the　color　of　your　skin；　but　you　survive。　Marius；　what　more　is　there？〃
　　　〃What　on　Earth　are　you　saying！〃　I　demanded。　I　was　suddenly　　furious。　〃Pandora；　we　have　each　other！　Good　Lord。　We　have　time。　As　we　e　together　now；　time　begins　for　us　all　over　again！〃
　　　　
　　　
　　　〃Does　it；　Marius？　I　don't　know；〃　she　replied。　〃Marius；　I'm　not　strong　enough。〃
　　　〃Pandora；　that's　mad！〃　I　said。
　　　〃Oh；　you　are　so　angry　and　it　is　so　like　our　quarrels　of　old。〃
　　　〃No；　it's　not！〃　I　declared。　〃It's　nothing　like　our　quarrels　of　old　because　it's　about　nothing。　Now　I'm　taking　you　from　here。　I'm　taking　you　to　my　palace；　and　I　shall　deal　with　Arjun　as　best　as　I　can　afterwards。〃
　　　〃You　can't　do　such　a　thing；〃　she　said　sharply。　〃Marius；　I've　been　with　him　for　hundreds　of　years。　You　think　you　can　simply　e　
　　　between　us？〃
　　　〃I　want　you；　Pandora。　I　shall　settle　for　nothing　else。　And　if　such　a　time　es　that　you　want　to　leave　me…。〃
　　　〃Yes；　and　what　if　it　does　e；〃　she　said　angrily；　〃then　what　shall　I　do　when　there　is　no　Arjun　on　account　of　you！〃
　　　I　fell　silent。　I　was　in　a　rage。　She　was　staring　at　me　intently。　Her　face　was　full　of　feeling。　Her　breast　heaved　under　the　tight　satin。
　　　〃Do　you　love　me？〃　I　demanded。
　　　〃pletely；〃　she　said　in　her　angry　voice。
　　　〃Then　you　are　ing　with　me！〃
　　　I　took　her　by　the　hand。
　　　No　one　moved　to　stop　us　as　we　left　the　palace。
　　　As　soon　as　I　had　her　in　the　carriage；　I　kissed　her　wantonly　as　mortals　kiss　and　wanted　to　sink　my　teeth　into　her　throat　but　she　forbade　it。
　　　〃Let　me　have　that　intimacy！〃　I　begged。　〃For　the　love　of　Heaven；　Pandora；　it's　Marius　who　is　speaking　to　you。　Listen　to　me。　Let　us　share　blood　and　blood。〃
　　　〃Don't　you　think　I　want　to？〃　she　asked。　〃I'm　afraid。〃
　　　〃Afraid　of　what？〃　I　demanded。　〃Tell　me　what　you　fear。　I'll　make　it　vanish。〃
　　　The　carriage　rolled　on　out　of　Dresden　and　through　the　forest　towards　my　palace。
　　　〃Oh；　but　you　won't；〃　she　replied。　〃You　can't。　Don't　you　understand；　Marius；　you're　the　same　being　you　were　in　those　times　when　we　were　first　together。　You're　strong　and　spirited　as　you　were　then；　and　I'm　not。　Marius；　he　takes　care　of　me。〃
　　　〃Takes　care　of　you？　Pandora；　this　is　what　you　want！　I'll　do　it。　I　shall　take　care　of　every　tiny　detail　of　your　entire　existence　as　though　you　were　my　daughter！　Only　give　me　the　chance。　Give　me　the　chance　to　restore　in　love　what　was　lost　to　us。〃
　　　We　had　reached　my　gates；　and　my　servants　were　opening　them。　We　were　about　to　enter　when　she　signaled　to　me　that　I　must　hold　the　coach。　She　was　looking　out　the　window。　She　was　looking　up　at　the　
　　　windows　of　the　palace。　Perhaps　she　could　see　the　pavilion。
　　　I　did　as　she　asked。　I　saw　that　she　was　paralyzed　with　fear。　There　was　no　disguising　it。　She　stared　at　the　palace　as　though　it　were　full　of　menace。
　　　〃What　in　the　name　of　Heaven　can　it　be？〃　I　asked。　〃Whatever　it　is　that　frightens　you；　tell　me。　Pandora；　there　is　nothing　that　can't　be　changed。　Tell　me。〃
　　　〃Oh；　you　are　so　violent　in　your　temper；〃　she　said　in　a　whisper。　〃Can't　you　guess　what　reduces　me　to　this　abominable　weakness？〃
　　　〃No；〃　I　said。　〃I　know　only　I　love　you　with　my　whole　heart。　I've　found　you　again　and　I'll　do　anything　to　keep　you。〃
　　　Her　eyes　remained　fixed　on　the　palace。
　　　〃Even　give　up　the　female　panion；〃　she　asked；　〃who　is　inside　this　very　house　waiting　for　you？〃
　　　I　didn't　answer。
　　　〃I　saw　her　at　the　ball；〃　she　said；　her　eyes　glassy；　her　voice　quivering。　〃I　saw　her　and　knew　what　she　was；　quite　powerful；　quite　graceful。　I　never　guessed　she　was　your　lover。　But　now　I　know　that　she　is。　I　can　hear　her　inside。　I　can　hear　her　hopes　and　dreams　and　how　they　are　pinned　on　you。〃
　　　〃Stop　it；　Pandora。　It　isn't　necessary　that　I　give　her　up。　We　are　not　mortals！　We　can　live　together。〃
　　　I　took　her　by　the　arms。　I　shook　her。　Her　hair　did　e　loose　and　then　violently　and　cruelly　I　pul