cb.coldheart canyon-第64部分

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important　pictures；　they　were　all　wicked　women。　Poisonous。　Adulterers。　One　who　kills　her　own　child。　Really　unforgivable　women。〃
　 〃But　don't　most　actors　prefer　to　play　bad　characters？　Isn't　it　more　fun？〃
　 〃Oh　it　is。　And　I　had　a　lot　to　inspire　me。〃
　 〃Inspire　you？〃
　 〃As　a　child；　I　saw　wickedness　with　my　own　eyes。　I　had　it's　hands　on　me。　Worse；　it　possessed　me。〃　Her　voice　grew　cold　and　dark。　〃My　mother　ran　a　whorehouse；　did　I　ever　tell　you　that？　And　when　I　was　ten　or　so；　she　just　decided　one　night　it　was　time　to　make　me　available　to　the　customers。〃
　 〃Jesus。〃
　 〃That's　what　I　said　to　myself。　Every　night；　I　said：　Jesus；　please　help　me。　Jesus；　please　e　and　take　me　away　from　this　wicked　woman。　Take　me　to　heaven。　But　he　never　came。　I　had　to　run　away。　Three　times　I　ran　away　and　my　brothers　found　me　and　dragged　me　back。　Once　she　let　them　have　me；　as　a　reward　for　finding　me。〃
　 〃Your　own　brothers？〃
　 〃Five　of　them。〃
　 〃Christ。〃
　 〃Anyway；　I　succeeded　in　escaping　her　eventually；　and　when　you're　a　thirteen…year…old；　and　you're　out　in　the　world　on　your　own；　you　see　a　lot　thirteen…year…olds　shouldn't　have　to　see。〃
　 〃I'm　sure　you　did。〃
　 〃So　I　put　all　that　I　saw　into　those　women。　That's　why　people　believed　in　them。　I　was　playing　them　for　real。〃　She　fumbled　at　the　inside　of　the　door。　〃Is　there　some　way　to　open　this　window？〃
　 〃Oh　yes。　It's　right　there。　A　little　black　button。　Push　it　down。〃
　 She　pushed　and　opened　the　window　a　crack。　〃That's　better；〃　she　said。
　 〃You　can　have　it　all　the　way　down。〃
　 〃No；　this　is　fine。　I'll　take　it　in　stages　I　think。〃
　 〃Yes；　of　course。〃
　 〃Going　back　to　the　pictures；　I　wonder　if　you'd　do　me　a　favor；　when　we　get　back　to　the　house？〃
　 〃Of　course。　What？〃
　 〃In　my　bedroom　in　the　guest…house　there　are　six　or　seven　posters　from　those　early　films　of　mine。　I've　had　them　up　there　for　so　long；　all　around　the　bed。　I　think　it's　time　I　got　rid　of　them。　Will　you　burn　them　for　me？〃
　 〃Are　you　sure　you　want　them　burned？　They're　worth　a　fortune。〃
　 〃Then　take　them　for　yourself。　Put　them　up　for　auction。　And　the　bed。　You　want　the　bed　too？〃
　 〃There　isn't　room　for　it　in　my　apartment；　but　if　you　want　me　to　get　rid　of　it　for　you…〃
　 〃Yes；　please。〃
　 〃No　problem。〃
　 〃If　you　make　some　money　from　it；　then　spend　it。　Enjoy　it。〃
　 〃Thank　you。〃
　 〃No；　it's　me　who　should　be　thanking　you。　You've　been　a　great　fort　tome。〃
　 〃May　I　ask　you　why？〃
　 〃Why　what？〃
　 〃Why　are　you　getting　rid　of　all　that　stuff　now？〃
　 〃Because　everything's　changed　for　me。　That　woman　I　used　to　be　has　gone。　So　are　all　the　things　she　stood　for。〃
　 〃They　were　just　films。〃
　 〃They　were　more　than　that。　They　were　my　memories。　And　now's　the　time　to　let　go　of　them。　I　want　to　start　over　with　Todd。〃
　 Jerry　drew　a　deep　breath　to　reply　to　this；　but　then　thought　better　of　it　and　kept　his　silence。　Katya　was　acutely　aware　of　every　nuance　in　her　immediate　locality；　however；　even　this。
　 〃Say　what's　on　your　mind；〃　she　said。
　 〃It's　none　of　my　business。〃
　 〃Say　it　anyway。　Go　on。〃
　 〃Well。　I　just　hope　you're　not　relying　too　much　on　Todd　Pickett。　You　know　he's　not　all　that　reliable。　None　of　them　are；　these　younger　guys。　They're　all　talk。〃
　 〃He's　different。〃
　 〃I　hope　so。〃
　 〃We　can't　ever　know　why　things　happen　between　two　people。　But　when　it　feels　right；　you　have　to　go　with　your　instincts。〃
　 〃If　he's　so　right　for　you；　why　did　he　run　out　on　you？〃
　 〃That　was　my　fault；　not　his。　I　showed　him　some　things　which　were　more　than　he　was　ready　to　see。　I　won't　make　that　mistake　again。　And　then　he　had　some　woman　with　him；　Tammy　Somebody…or…Other；　who　was　just　trying　to　steal　him　away。　Do　you　know　her？〃
　 〃Tammy？　No。　I　don't　know　a　Tammy。　Oh　wait。　I　do。　I　had　a　call　from　the　police　in　Sacramento。　She　went　missing。〃
　 〃And　they　called　you。　Why？〃
　 〃Because　I　know　Todd。　Apparently；　this　Tammy　woman　runs　his　fan…club。〃
　 Katya　started　to　laugh。
　 〃That's　all　she　is　to　him？〃　she　said。
　 〃Apparently。〃
　 〃She　runs　his　fan…club？〃
　 〃That's　my　understanding。〃
　 〃So　there's　no　romance　between　them？〃
　 〃No。　I　don't　even　think　they　really　know　one　another。〃
　 〃Well；　that　solves　that。〃
　 〃It　does　and　it　doesn't；〃　Jerry　said　cautiously。　〃She　still　persuaded　him　to　go　with　her。〃
　 〃Then　it's　up　to　me　to　persuade　him　to　e　home；〃　Katya　purred。　She　pressed　her　window　button；　and　kept　it　down　until　the　window　was　entirely　open。　Jerry　caught　a　glimpse　of　her　in　the　mirror。　The　last　of　her　caution　and　her　fear　had　evaporated。　She　was　luxuriating　in　the　warm　wind　against　her　face；　eyes　closed；　hair　shining。
　 〃How　much　farther？〃　she　asked　him；　without　opening　her　eyes。
　 〃Another　ten　minutes。〃
　 〃I　can　smell　the　ocean。〃
　 〃Well；　we're　at　Fourth　Street。　Four　blocks　over；　there's　the　beach。〃
　 〃I　love　the　sea。〃
　 〃Todd　has　a　yacht；　did　you　know　that？　It's　docked　in　San　Diego。〃
　 〃You　see。　Perfect。〃　She　opened　her　eyes；　catching　Jerry's　gaze　in　the　mirror；　demanding　a　response　from　him。
　 〃Yes；　it's　perfect；〃　he　said。
　 She　smiled。　〃Thank　you；〃　she　said。
　 〃For　what？〃
　 〃For　everything。　Bringing　me　here。　Listening　to　me；　indulging　me。　When　things　have　settled　down　and　Todd　and　I　have　made　the　Canyon　a　more　civilized　place；　we're　going　to　start　inviting　people　over；　just　a　few　special　friends；　to　share　the　beauty　of　the　place。　You　never　saw　the　house　at　its　best。　But　you　will。　It　is　magnificent。〃
　 〃Oh　I'm　sure。〃
　 〃And　that's　how　it's　going　to　be　again；　after　tonight。〃
　 〃Magnificent？〃
　 〃Magnificent。〃
　
　
　EIGHT
　 This　was　Tammy's　Cinderella　moment：　her　dream　e　true。　All　right；　perhaps　all　the　details　weren't　perfect。　She　could　have　looked　a　little　more　glamorous；　and　she　would　have　liked　to　have　lost　another　twenty…five　pounds。　And　they　could　have　been　ing　in　through　the　front　door　instead　of　slipping　in　at　the　side　to　avoid　the　photographers。　But　she　was　happy　to　take　what　fate　was　giving　her：　and　fate　was　giving　her　a　chance　to　walk　into　an　A…list　party　on　the　arm　of　Todd　Pickett。
　 Everywhere　she　looked　there　were　famous　faces；　famous　smiles；　famous　gazes；　famous　figures　swathed　in　gowns　by　famous　designers；　famous　fools　making　jokes　that　had　everyone　in　their　circle　breathless　with　laughter；　famous　power…brokers　telling　tales　of　how　they'd　made　a　million　in　a　minute；　and　the　less　famous　wives　of　these　power…brokers　listening　with　their　lids　half…closed　because　if　they　had　a　buck　for　every　time　they'd　heard　these　tired　old　tales　they'd　be　able　to　divorce　their　dead…weights　of　husbands。
　 And　hanging　on　the　arms　of　the　famous　（much　as　she　was　hanging　on　Todd's　arm）　were　younger　men　and　women　who　watched　their　panions　with　the　kind　of　eyes　Tammy　was　reserving　for　the　hors　d'oeuvres。　There　was　appetite　in　those　eyes。　One　day；　those　gazes　seem　to　say；　I　will　have　all　that　you　have。　I　will　own　cars　and　yachts　and　palaces　and　houses。　I　will　have　a　small　vineyard　in　Tuscany　and　a　large　ranch　in　Big　Sky　Country。　There　will　be　no　door　that　will　be　closed　to　me；　no　ear　that　will　not　attend　to　my　concerns。　When　I　drop　my　purse；　somebody　will　pick　it　up　for　me。　When　my　car　is　empty　of　gas；　it　will　be　miraculously　filled　（and　the　ashtrays　emptied）。　If　the　drink　in　my　hand　is　getting　low；　it　will　be　replenished　without　my　requesting　it。　When　I　am　hungry；　somebody　will　make　food　that　will　be　so　exquisitely　shaped　every　mouthful　is　like　a　little　meal　unto　itself。
　 In　fact；　the　food　was　drawing　her　attention　about　as　much　as　the　famous　faces。　She'd　never　seen　such　exquisite　little　confections；　and　each　one　had　a　description；　proffered　by　its　server；　much　of　which　was　so　remote　from　Tammy's　experience　she　didn't　understand　it。　Slices　of　rare　marinated　this　on　slices　of　smoked　that；　drizzled　with…
　 Oh　what　the　hell？　She'd　take　two。　No　make　that　three。　It　was　only　finger…food；　for　God's　sake；　and　she　was　hungry。
　 To　wash　it　all　down　she'd　accepted　a　Bellini　from　a　dazzling　waiter　as　soon　as　she'd　stepped　inside；　and　it　tasted　so　sweet　and　harmless　she　downed　two…thirds　of　her　glass　before　she　realized　how　potent　it　was。　In　truth；　however；　it　would　scarcely　have　mattered　if　she'd　downed　five　Bellinis　and　fallen　flat　on　her　face。　She　was　invisible　as　far　as　these　people　were　concerned。　The　glacial　beauties　and　their　handsome　swains；　the　deal…makers　and　the　word…splitters；　none　of　them　wanted　to　concede　her　ragged　presence　in　their　gilded　midst：　so　they　simply　looked　the　other　way。　Once　or　twice　she　caught　the　tail　of　a　mystified　glance　laid　upon　her；　but　these　were　from　amateurs　at　the　game。　To　the　true　professionals…　which　is　to　say　most　of　the　people　in　this　assembly…she　was　simply　a　non…presence。　She　could　have　been　standing　right　in　their　line　of　vision　and　somehow　their　gaze　would　have　slid　off　her　and　around　her；　anything　to　avoid　seeing　her。
　 She　caught　tight　hold　of　Todd's　hand。　So　much　for　the　Cinderella　fantasy。　It　was　a　nightmare。
　 Much　to　her　delight　Todd　clutched　her　hand　in　return。　His　palm　was　pouring　sweat。
　 〃They're　all　looking　at　me；〃　he　said；　leaning　close　to　her。
　 〃No；　they're　not。〃
　 〃Hi；　Todd。〃
　 〃Hi；　Jodie。　Good　to…see　that？　They　say　hi　then　they　move　on。　She's　gone　already。　Hi；　Steven！　When　are　you…？　Too　late。　He's　off。　It's　fucking　uncanny。〃
　 〃Where's　Maxine？〃
　 〃I　haven't　seen　her　yet。　She's　probably　out　back。　She　likes　to　sit　and　hold　court　at　these　things。　She　says　only　hostesses　circulate。〃
　 〃And　she's　not　the　hostess？〃
　 〃Fuck；　no。　These　aren't　her　guests。　They're　her　supplicants。〃　Tammy　had　seen　some　attractive…looking　hors　d'oeuvres　sailing　by。
　 〃I'll　have　one　of　those；〃　she　said；　tapping　the　waiter　on　the　shoulder；　〃if　you　don't　ask　in　this　place；〃　she　explained；　as　she　took　three；　〃you　don't　get。〃
　 〃Are　they　good？〃
　 〃What　do　I　know？　They're　filling　a　hole。　Very　slowly。　Doesn't　anybody　have　any　appetite　around　here？〃
　 〃Not　publicly。〃
　 To　get　to　the　back　of　the　house　he　had　led　her　into　a　larger　room…which；　despite　the　fact　that　it　was　packed　with　guests…was　almost　as　hushed　as　a　library。　A　few　people　looked　round　at　Todd…a　few　even　attempted　tentative　smiles…but　nobody　made　any　move　to　break　off　their　whispered　exchanges　and　approach　him；　for　which　Tammy　was　grateful。　The　density　of　famous　faces　was　much　the　same　in　here　as　it　had　been　next　door。　This　really　was　the　crème　de　la　crème：　the　people　who　could　get　a　studio　to　spend　several　million　dollars　developing　a　script　by　simply　hinting　that　they　might　be　in　it　when　it　was　finished；　the　names　above　the　tide　that　audiences　knew　so　well　they　only　used　an　actor's　given　name　when　they　were　talking　about　the　show：　Bruce　and　Demi　and　Brad　and　Tom　and　all　the　rest。　Next　year；　some　portion　of　the　crowd　would　have　slipped　onto　the　B…list；　after　a　dud　or　two。　But　tonight　they　were　at　the　top　of　their　game；　famous　amongst　the　famous。　Tonight　there　wasn't　an　agency　in　the　city　that　wouldn't　have　signed　them　on　the　spot；　or　a　late…night　talk…show　that　wouldn't　have　bumped　Einstein；　Van　Gogh　and　the　Pope　to　have　them　on。　They　were　American　royalty；　the　way　that　Pickford　and　Fairbanks　had　been　royalty　in　the　early　years。　Yes；　there　were　more　crowns　now；　more　thrones。　But　there　were　also　more　fans；　in　every　corner　of　the　world；　men　and　women　ready　to　fawn　and　obsess。　In　short；　non