cb.coldheart canyon-第63部分

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y　you　treated　them…but　none　of　them　said；　even　vaguely　intimated　that。。。〃
　 〃I　had　a　small　dick。〃
　 〃Right。〃
　 〃So　I　thought；　there's　no　way　he's　gone　to　Montreal　to　have　his　ding…a…ling　enlarged　because　it's　just　fine　as　it　is。　Now。　Can　we　move　on；　or　shall　I　throw　myself　out　of　the　window　from　sheer　embarrassment？〃　
　 Todd　laughed。　〃You　are　an　education；　do　you　know　that？〃
　 〃I　am？〃
　 〃You　are。〃
　 〃In　a　good　way？〃
　 〃Oh　yeah；　it's　all　good。　It's　all　fine。〃
　 〃You　realize；　of　course；　that　there's　stuff　being　written　about　you　right　now；　a　lot　of　people　upset　and　worried。〃
　 〃Why？〃
　 〃Because　nobody　knows　what　happened　to　you。　There　are　plenty　of　people；　fans　of　yours；　like　me；　who　think　of　you　practically　as　a　member　of　the　family。　Todd　did　this。　Todd　did　that。　And　now；　suddenly；　Todd's　missing。　And　nobody　knows　where　he's　gone。　They　start　to　fret。　They　start　to　make　up　all　kinds　of　ridiculous　reasons。　I　know　I　did。　It's　not　that　they're　crazy…〃
　 〃No；　look。　I　don't　think　you；　or　any　of　them；　are　crazy。　Or　if　you　are；　it's　a　good　crazy。　I　mean；　what　you　did　last　night。。。none　of　my　family　would　have　done。〃
　 〃You'd　be　surprised　how　many　people　love　you。〃
　 〃They　love　something　but　I　don't　think　it's　me；　Tammy。〃
　 〃Why　not？〃
　 〃Well　for　one　thing；　if　you　could　get　inside　here；　in　my　head　with　Todd　Pickett；　you　wouldn't　find　much　worth　idolizing。　You　really　wouldn't。　I　am　painfully；　excruciatingly；　ordinary。　My　brother；　Donnie；　on　the　other　hand：　he's　worth　admiring。　He's　smart。　He's　honest。　I　was　just　the　one　with　this。〃　He　turned　on　his　smile　as　he　drove　and　gave　her　the　benefit　of　its　luminosity。　Then；　just　as　easily；　he　turned　it　off。　〃See；　you　learn　to　do　that；〃　he　went　on。　〃It's　like　a　faucet。　You　turn　the　smile　on；　and　people　bathe　in　it　for　a　while；　then　you　turn　it　off　and　you　go　home　and　wonder　what　all　the　fuckin'　fuss　was　about。　It's　not　like　I　deserve　the　adulation　of　millions。　I　can't　act。　And　I've　got　the　reviews　to　prove　it。〃　He　chuckled　at　his　self…deprecation。　〃That's　not　mine；〃　he　said；　〃it　was　Victor　Mature。〃
　 〃Okay；　so　you're　not　the　best　actor　in　Hollywood。　You're　not　the　worst　either。〃
　 〃No。　I　grant　you；　there's　worse。〃
　 〃A　lot　worse。〃
　 〃All　right；　a　lot　worse。　Still　doesn't　make　me　a　good　actor。〃
　 He　obviously　wasn't　going　to　be　moved　on　the　subject；　so　Tammy　left　it　where　it　was。　They　drove　on　in　silence　for　a　while。　Then　he　swung　the　mirror　round；　and　checked　out　his　face。　〃You　know　I'm　nervous？〃
　 〃Why？〃
　 〃In　case　there's　anybody　at　Maxine's　place。〃　He　went　back　and　forth　between　studying　his　face　and　checking　the　road。
　 〃You　look　fine；〃　Tammy　told　him。
　 〃I　guess　it's　not　so　bad；〃　he　said；　assessing　his　features。
　 〃You　just　look　a　little　different　from　the　way　you　used　to　look。〃
　 〃Different　enough　that　people　will　notice？〃
　 Tammy　couldn't　lie　to　him。　〃Sure　they'll　notice。　But　maybe　they'll　say　you　look　better。　I　mean；　when　everything's　properly　healed　and　you've　had　a　month's　vacation。〃
　 〃You　will　e　in　with　me；　won't　you？〃
　 〃To　see　Maxine？　My　pleasure。〃
　 〃Mind　if　I　smoke？〃　He　didn't　wait　for　a　reply。　He　just　rolled　down　the　window；　pulled　out　a　battered　pack　of　cigarettes；　and　lit　up。　The　rush　of　nicotine　made　him　whoop。　〃That's　better！　Okay。　We're　going　to　do　this。　You　and　me。　We're　going　to　ask　Maxine　a　lot　of　very　difficult　questions；　and　figure　out　whether　she's　lying　to　us　or　not。〃
　 They　had　reached　the　Pacific　Coast　Highway；　and　the　roar　of　the　traffic　through　the　open　window　made　any　further　talk　impractical　for　a　time。　They　drove　north　for　perhaps　five　miles；　before　ing　off　the　PCH　and　heading　west。　The　area　wouldn't　have　been　Tammy's　idea　of　idyllic。　Somehow　she'd　imagined　Malibu　being　more　like　a　little　slice　of　Hawaii；　but　in　fact　it　was　just　a　sliver　of　real　estate　two　or　three　houses　deep；　with　the　incessant　din　of　the　Pacific　Coast　Highway　on　one　side　and　a　narrow　strip　of　beach　on　the　other。　They'd　scarcely　driven　more　than　a　quarter　of　a　mile　when　they　came　to　the　Colony　gates。　There　was　a　guard…house；　and　a　single　guard；　who　was　sitting　with　his　booted　feet　up　beside　a　small　television。　The　set　went　off　as　soon　as　they　drove　up；　a　broad　smile　appearing　on　the　man's　face。
　 〃Hey；　Mr。　Pickett。　Long　time；　no　see。〃
　 〃Ron；　m'man。　How　goes　it？〃
　 〃It　goes　good；　it　goes　good。〃
　 The　guard　was　clearly　delighted　that　his　name　had　been　remembered。
　 〃Are　you　going　to　Ms。　Frizelle's　party？〃
　 〃Oh。。。yeah；〃　Todd　said；　throwing　a　panicked　glance　at　Tammy。　〃We're　here　for　that。〃
　 〃That's　great。〃　He　peered　past　Todd；　at　the　passenger。　〃And　this　is？〃
　 〃Oh；　this　is　Tammy。　Tammy；　Ron。　Ron；　Tammy。　Tammy's　my　date　for　the　night。〃
　 〃Good　goin'；〃　Ron　said；　to　no　one　and　about　nothing　in　particular。　Just　a　general　California　yea…saying　to　the　world。　〃Let　me　just　call　Ms。　Frizelle；　and　tell　her　you're　on　your　way　down。〃
　 〃Nah；〃　Todd　said；　sliding　a　twenty　dollar　bill　into　Ron's　hand。　〃We're　going　to　surprise　her。〃
　 〃No　problem；〃　Ron　said；　waving　them　by。　〃Good　to　see　you；　by　the　way…〃
　 It　took　Tammy　a　moment　to　realize　that　Ron　was　talking　to　her。
　 〃It's　always　good　to　meet　a　new　friend　of　Mr。　Pickett's。〃　There　didn't　seem　to　be　any　irony　in　this：　it　was　a　genuine　expression　of　feeling。
　 〃Well；　thank　you；〃　Tammy　said；　thrown　a　little　off…kilter　by　this。
　 〃Fuck。　She's　having　a　party；〃　Todd　said　to　her　as　they　left　the　guardhouse　behind　them。
　 〃So。〃
　 〃So　there'll　be　lots　of　people。　Looking　at　me。〃
　 〃They've　got　to　do　it　sooner　or　later。〃
　 Todd　stopped　the　car　in　the　middle　of　the　street。
　 〃I　can't。　I'm　not　ready　for　this。〃
　 〃Yes　you　are。　The　more　you　put　it　off　the　more　difficult　it's　going　to　be。〃
　 Todd　sat　there　shaking　his　head　saying：　〃No。　No。　I　can't　do　it。〃
　 Tammy　put　her　hand　over　his。　〃I'm　just　as　nervous　as　you　are；〃　she　said。　〃Feel　how　clammy　my　hand　is？〃
　 〃Yeah。〃
　 〃But　we　said　we'd　get　answers。　And　the　longer　we　take　to　ask　her　the　more　lies　she'll　have　ready。〃
　 〃You　do　know　her；　don't　you？〃　he　said。
　 〃She's　my　nightmare。〃
　 〃Really。　Why？〃
　 〃Because　she　stood　between　me　and　you。〃
　 〃Huh。〃
　 Silence。
　 〃So　what　are　we　going　to　do？〃　Tammy　said　finally。
　 〃Shit。　I　don't　want　to　do　this。〃
　 〃So　that　makes　two　of　us。　But…〃
　 〃I　know；　I　know；　if　we　don't　do　it　now。。。All　right。　You　win。　But　I　will　beat　the　living　shit　out　of　the　first　person　who　says　one　word　about　my　face。〃
　 They　drove　on；　the　houses　they　were　driving　past　far　more　modest　in　scale　and　design　than　she'd　expected。　There　was　very　little　here　of　the　kitsch　of　Beverly　Hills：　no　faux…French　chateaux　sitting　side　by　side　with　faux…Tudor　mansions。　The　houses　were　mostly　extremely　plain；　boxlike　in　most　cases；　with　very　occasional　architectural　flourishes。　They　were　also　very　close　to　one　another。　〃You　wouldn't　get　much　privacy　there；〃　Tammy　mented。
　 〃I　guess　everybody　just　pretends　not　to　look　at　everybody　else。　Or　they　just　don't　care。　That's　more　like　it。　They　just　don't　care。〃
　 〃That's　the　connection　between　you　and　Katya；　isn't　it？　You've　both　been　looked　at　so　much。。。and　the　rest　of　us　don't　know　what　that　feels　like。〃
　 〃It　feels　like　somebody's　siphoning　out　your　blood；　pint　by　pint。〃
　 〃Not　good。〃
　 〃No。　Not　good。〃
　 They　rounded　a　corner；　bringing　their　destination　into　view。　The　party…house　was　decorated　with　thousands　of　tiny　white　twinkle　lights；　as　were　the　two　palm　trees　that　stood　like　sentinels　to　left　and　right　of　the　door。
　 〃Christmas　came　early　this　year；〃　Tammy　remarked。
　 〃Apparently。〃
　 There　were　uniformed　valets　working　the　street；　taking　cars　from　the　guests　and　spiriting　them　away　to　be　parked　somewhere　out　of　sight。
　 〃Are　you　sure　you're　ready　for　this？〃　Todd　asked　Tammy。
　 〃No　more　than　you　are。〃
　 〃Want　to　go　one　more　circle　around　the　block？〃
　 〃Yes。〃
　 〃Uh…oh。　Too　late。〃
　 Two　valets　were　ing　at　the　car　bearing　what　must　have　been　burdensome　smiles。　As　the　doors　were　opened；　Todd　caught　tight　hold　of　Tammy's　hand。　〃Don't　leave　my　side；〃　he　said。　〃Promise　me　you　won't。〃
　 〃I　promise；〃　she　said；　and　raising　her　head　she　put　on　her　best　impersonation　of　someone　who　was　rich；　famous　and　belonged　at　Todd　Pickett's　side。　Todd　relinquished　the　keys　to　the　valet。
　 〃May　I　assume　this　is　your　first　A…list　Hollywood　party　in　the　flesh？〃　Todd　said　to　Tammy。
　 〃You　may。〃
　 〃Well　then　this　could　be　a　lot　of　fun。　In　a　grotesque；　'there's　a　shark　in　the　swimming　pool'　sort　of　way。〃
　
　
　SEVEN
　 There　came　a　point；　as　Jerry's　car　was　carrying　Katya　out　of　for　the　first　time　in　the　better　part　of　three　quarters　of　a　century；　when　her　fears　seemed　to　get　the　better　of　her。　Jerry　heard　a　voice；　as　dry　as　a　husk；　out　of　the　darkness　behind　him：　〃I'm　sorry。。。I　don't　know　that　I　can　do　this。〃
　 〃Do　you　want　me　to　turn　around？〃　he　asked　her。　〃I　will　if　you　want　me　to。〃
　 There　was　no　reply。　Just　the　soft　sound　of　frightened　weeping。　〃I　wish　Zeffer　was　still　here。　Why　was　I　so　cruel　to　him？〃　None　of　this　seemed　to　be　for　open　discussion。　It　was　more　like　a　private　confessional。　〃Why　am　I　such　a　bitch？　Jesus。　Jesus。　Everything　I've　ever　loved。。。〃　She　stopped　herself；　and　looked　up　at　Jerry；　catching　his　reflection　in　the　mirror。　〃Don't　mind　me。　It's　just　a　crazy　old　woman　talking　to　herself。〃
　 〃Maybe　we　should　go　back　and　find　Mr。　Zeffer？　He　could　e　with　you。　I　realize　there　was　some　bad　blood　between　you…〃
　 〃Zeffer's　dead；　Jerry。　I　lost　my　temper　with　him；　and…〃
　 〃You　killed　him？〃
　 〃No。　I　left　him　in　the　Devil's　Country。　Wounded　by　one　of　the　hunters。〃
　 〃Lord。〃
　 Jerry　brought　the　car　to　a　halt。　He　stared　out　of　the　window；　horrified。　〃What　would　you　like　me　to　do？〃　he　said　after　a　while。　〃If　you　can't　go　on　without　him；　I　mean。〃
　 〃Take　no　notice　of　me；〃　Katya　said；　after　a　short　period　of　reflection：　〃I'm　just　feeling　sorry　for　myself。　Of　course　I　can　go　on。　What　other　choice　do　I　have？〃　She　took　another　moment　to　study　the　passing　world。　〃It's　just　that　it's　been　a　long　time　since　I　was　out　in　the　real　world。〃
　 〃This　isn't　the　real　world；　it's　LA。〃
　 She　saw　the　joke　in　that。　They　laughed　together　over　the　remark；　and　when　their　laughter　had　settled　into　smiles；　he　got　the　car　going　again；　down　the　hill。　At　some　unidentified　point　between　the　place　where　her　faith　had　almost　failed　her；　and　Sunset　Boulevard；　they　crossed　the　boundary　of　Coldheart　Canyon。
　 Their　destination　was　already　decided；　of　course；　so　there　wasn't　much　reason　to　talk　as　they　went。　Jerry　left　Katya　to　her　musings。　He　knew　his　Hollywood　history　well　enough　to　be　sure　that　she　would　be　astonished　by　what　she　was　seeing。　In　her　time　Sunset　Boulevard　had　been　little　more　than　a　dirt　track　once　it　got　east　of　what　was　now　Doheny。　There'd　been　no　Century　City　back　then；　of　course；　no　four　lane　highways　clogged　with　sleek　vehicles。　Just　shacks　and　orange　groves　and　dirt。
　 〃I've　been　thinking；〃　Katya　said；　somewhere　around　Sepulveda。
　 〃About　what？〃
　 〃Me　and　my　wickedness。〃
　 〃Your　what？　Your　wickedness？〃
　 〃Yes；　my　wickedness。　I　don't　know　why　it　came　into　my　mind；　but　it　did。　If　I　think　about　the　women　I've　played　in　all　my　really　important　pictures；　they　were　all　wicked　women。　Poisonous。　Adulterers。　One　who　kills　her　own　child。