cb.coldheart canyon-第15部分

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　 〃Thank　you。〃
　 Cordelia　picked　up　the　quilt。　〃And　my　apologies；　Mr。　Pickett；　for　any　difficulties　you　may　have　had。　Our　doctors　are　horribly　overworked。　And；　I'm　afraid　to　say；　often　people　who　are　wonderful　with　animals　aren't　always　terribly　good　with　human　beings。〃
　
　 Ten　minutes　later　a　burly　Latino　appeared　with　a　sleepy…eyed　Dempsey；　wrapped　in　his　quilt。　His　ears　pricked　up　just　a　little　at　the　sight　of　Todd；　enough　for　Todd　to　know　that　his　holding　the　dog；　and　whispering　to　him；　meant　something。
　
　 〃We're　going　home；　old　guy；〃　Todd　murmured　to　him；　as　he　carried　him　down　the　steps　into　the　street　and　round　to　the　little　parking　lot　behind　the　building；　where　Marco　was　backing　out　the　car。　〃I　know　you　didn't　like　it　in　there。　All　those　people　you　didn't　know　with　needles　and　shit。　Well；　fuck　them。〃　He　put　his　nose　into　the　cushion　of　baby　fur　behind　Dempsey's　ear；　which　always　smelled　sweetest。　〃We're　going　home。〃
　 For　the　next　few　hours　Dempsey　slept　in　the　quilt；　which　Todd　had　put　on　his　big　bed。　Todd　stayed　beside　him；　though　the　need　for　sleep　caught　up　with　him　several　times；　and　he'd　slide　away　into　a　few　minutes　of　dreamland：　fragments　of　things　he'd　seen　from　his　bench　in　the　waiting　room；　mostly。　The　box　containing　the　dead　guinea　pig；　that　absurd　poo…dle；　nipping　its　own　backside　bloody；　all　just　pieces　of　the　day；　ing　and　going。　Then　he'd　wake　and　stroke　Dempsey　for　a　little　while；　talk　to　him；　tell　him　everything　was　going　to　be　okay。
　 There　was　a　sudden　rally　in　Dempsey's　energies　about　four　o'clock；　which　was　when　he　was　usually　fed；　so　Todd　had　Marco　prepare　a　sick…bed　version　of　his　usual　meal；　with　chicken　instead　of　the　chopped　horse…flesh　or　whatever　the　hell　it　was　in　the　cans；　and　some　good　gravy。　Dempsey　ate　it　all；　though　he　had　to　be　held　up　to　do　so；　since　his　legs　were　unreliable。　He　then　drank　a　full　bowl　of　water。
　 〃Good；　good；〃　Todd　said。
　 Dempsey　attempted　to　wag　his　tail；　but　it　had　no　more　power　in　it　than　his　legs　had。
　 Todd　carried　him　outside　so　he　could　shit　and　piss。　A　slight　drizzle　was　ing　down；　not　cool；　but　refreshing。　He　held　onto　the　dog；　waiting　for　the　urge　to　take　Dempsey；　and　he　turned　his　face　up　to　the　rain；　offering　a　quiet　little　prayer。
　 〃Please　don't　take　him　from　me。　He's　just　a　smelly　old　dog。　You　don't　need　him　and　I　do。　Do　you　hear　me？　Please。。。hear　me。　Don't　take　him。〃
　 He　looked　back　at　Dempsey　to　find　that　the　dog　was　looking　back　at　him；　apparently　paying　attention　to　every　word。　His　ears　were　half…pricked；　his　eyes　half…open。
　 〃Do　you　think　anyone's　listening？〃　Todd　said。
　 By　way　of　reply；　Dempsey　looked　away　from　him；　his　head　bobbing　uneasily　on　his　neck。　Then　he　made　a　nasty　sound　deep　in　his　belly　and　his　whole　body　convulsed。　Todd　had　never　seen　the　term　projectile　vomit　displayed　with　such　force。　A　stream　of　chewed　chicken；　dog　mix　and　water　squirted　out。　As　soon　as　it　stopped；　the　dog　began　to　make　little　whining　sounds。　Then　ten　seconds　later；　Dempsey　repeated　the　whole　spectacle；　until　every　piece　of　nourishment　and　every　drop　of　water　he'd　been　given　had　been　prehensively　ejected。
　 After　the　second　burst　of　vomiting　he　didn't　even　have　the　strength　to　whine。　Todd　wrapped　the　quilt　around　him　and　carried　him　back　into　the　house。　He　had　Marco　bring　some　towels　and　dried　him　off　where　the　rain　had　caught　him。
　 〃I　don't　suppose　you　care　what's　been　going　on　all　day；　do　you？〃　Marco　said。
　 〃Anything　important？〃
　 〃Great　foreign　numbers　on　Gallows；　particularly　in　France。　Huge　hit　in　France；　apparently。　Maxine　wants　to　know　if　you'd　like　to　do　a　piece　about　Dempsey's　health　crisis　for　one　of　the　woman's　magazines。〃
　 〃No。〃
　 〃That's　what　I　told　her。　She　said　they'd　eat　it　up；　but　I　said…〃
　 〃No！　Fuck。　Will　these　people　never　stop？　No！〃
　 〃You　got　a　call　from　Walter　at　Dreamworks　about　some　charity　thing　he's　arranging；　I　told　him　you'd　be　back　in　circulation　tomorrow。〃
　 〃That's　the　phone。〃
　 〃Yeah。　It　is。〃
　 Marco　went　to　the　nearest　phone；　which　was　in　the　master　bathroom；　while　Todd　went　back　to　finish　drying　the　dog。
　 〃It's　Andrea　Otis。　From　the　hospital。　I　think　it's　the　nervous　young　woman　you　saw　this　morning。〃
　 〃Stay　with　him；〃　Todd　said　to　Marco。
　 He　went　into　the　bathroom；　which　was　cold。　Picked　up　the　phone。
　 〃Mr。　Pickett？〃
　 〃Yes。〃
　 〃First；　I　want　to　say　I　owe　you　an　apology　for　this　morning…〃
　 〃No　that's　fine。〃
　 〃I　knew　who　you　were　and　that　threw　me　off…〃
　 〃Dempsey。〃
　 〃…a　little。　I'm　sorry。〃
　 〃Dempsey。〃
　 〃Yes。　Well；　we've　got　the　X…ray　results　back　and。。。I'm　afraid　the　news　isn't　very　good。〃
　 〃Why　not？　What's　wrong　with　him？〃
　 〃He　is　riddled　with　cancer。〃
　 Todd　took　a　long　moment　to　digest　this　unwele　news。　Then　he　said：　〃That's　impossible。〃
　 〃It's　in　his　spine。　It's　in　his　colon…〃
　 〃But　that　can't　be。〃
　 〃And　it's　now　spreading　to　his　brain；　which　is　why　we've　only　just　discovered　it。　These　motor　and　perception　problems　he's　having　are　all　part　of　the　same　thing。　The　tumor's　spreading　into　his　skull；　and　pushing　on　his　brain。〃
　 〃Oh　God。〃
　 〃So。。。I　don't　know　what　you　want　to　do。〃
　 〃I　want　this　not　to　be　happening。〃
　 〃Well　yes。　But　I'm　afraid　it　is。〃
　 〃How　long　has　he　got？〃
　 〃His　present　condition　is　really　as　good　as　things　are　going　to　get　for　him。〃　She　spoke　as　though　she　was　reading　the　words　from　an　idiot…board；　careful　to　leave　exactly　the　same　amount　of　space　between　each　one。　〃All　that　is　really　at　issue　is　how　quickly　Dempsey　bees　incapacitated。〃
　 Todd　looked　through　the　open　door　at　the　pitiful　shape　shuddering　beneath　the　quilt。　It　was　obvious　that　Dempsey　had　already　reached　that　point。　Todd　could　be　absurdly　optimistic　at　times；　but　this　wasn't　one　of　them。
　 〃Is　he　in　pain？〃　he　asked　the　doctor。
　 〃Well；　I'd　say　it's　not　so　much　pain　we're　dealing　with　as　anxiety。　He　doesn't　know　what's　happening　to　him。　And　he　doesn't　know　why　it's　happening。　He's　just　suffering；　Mr。　Pickett。　And　it's　just　going　to　get　worse。〃
　 〃So　you're　saying　I　should　have　him　put　down？〃
　 〃It's　not　my　place　to　tell　you　what　to　do　with　your　dog；　Mr。　Pickett。〃
　 〃But　if　he　was　your　dog。〃
　 〃If　he　was　my　dog；　and　I　loved　him　as　you　obviously　love　Dempsey；　I　wouldn't　want　him　suffering。。。Mr。　Pickett；　are　you　there？〃
　 〃Here；〃　Todd　said；　trying　to　keep　the　sound　of　tears　out　of　his　voice。
　 〃So　really　it's　up　to　you。〃
　 Todd　looked　at　Dempsey　again；　who　was　making　a　mournful　sound　in　his　sleep。
　 〃If　I　bring　him　back　over　to　the　hospital？〃
　 〃Yes？〃
　 〃Would　there　be　somebody　there　to　put　him　to　sleep？〃
　 〃Yes；　of　course。　I'll　be　here。〃
　 〃Then　that's　what　I　want　to　do。〃
　 〃I'm　so　very　sorry；　Mr。　Pickett。〃
　 〃It's　not　your　fault。〃
　
　 Dempsey　roused　himself　a　little　when　Todd　went　back　to　bed；　but　it　was　barely　more　than　a　sniff　and　a　half…hearted　wag。
　
　 〃e　on；　you；〃　he　said；　wrapping　Dempsey　tightly　in　the　quilt；　and　lifting　him　up；　〃the　sooner　this　is　done　the　sooner　you're　not　an　unhappy　hound。　Will　you　drive；　Marco？〃
　 It　was　four…thirty　in　the　afternoon；　and　though　the　drizzle　had　ceased；　die　traffic　was　still　horrendous。　It　took　them　fifty…five　minutes　to　get　down　to　the　hospital；　but　this　time…perhaps　to　make　up　for　her　unavailability　the　last　time　he'd　been　there…Doctor　Otis　was　at　the　counter　waiting　for　him。　She　opened　the　side　door；　to　let　him　into　die　non…public　area。
　 〃You　want　me　to　e　in；　boss？〃　Marco　asked。
　 〃Nah；　it's　okay。　We'll　be　fine。〃
　 〃He　looks　really　out　of　it；〃　the　doctor　remarked。
　 Dempsey　had　barely　opened　his　eyes　at　the　sound　of　Todd's　voice。　〃You　know；　I　realize　this　may　seem　like　a　strange　thing　to　say；　but　in　a　way　we're　lucky　that　this　caught　him　so　fast。　With　some　dogs　it　takes　weeks　and　months。。。〃
　 〃In　here？〃　Todd　said。
　 〃Yes。〃
　 The　doctor　had　opened　a　door　into　a　room　not　more　than　eight　by　eight；　painted　in　what　was　intended　to　be　a　soothing　green。　On　one　wall　was　a　Monet　reproduction　and　on　another　a　piece　of　poetry　that　Todd　couldn't　read　through　his　assembling　tears。
　 〃I'll　just　give　you　two　some　time；〃　Doctor　Otis　said。　〃I'll　be　back　in　a　few　minutes。〃
　 Todd　sat　down　with　Dempsey　in　his　arms。　Damn；〃　he　said　softly。　〃This　isn't　fair。〃
　 Dempsey　had　opened　his　eyes　fully　for　the　first　time　in　several　hours；　probably　because　he'd　heard　the　sound　of　Todd　crying；　which　had　always　made　him　very　attentive；　even　if　the　crying　was　fake。　Todd　could　be　rehearsing　a　sad　scene　from　a　picture；　memorizing　lines；　and　as　soon　as　the　first　note　of　sadness　crept　into　his　voice　Dempsey　would　be　there；　his　paws　on　Todd's　knees；　ready　to　give　fort。　But　this　time　the　animal　didn't　have　the　strength　to　help　make　the　boss　feel　better。　All　he　could　do　was　stare　up　at　Todd　with　a　slight　look　of　puzzlement　on　his　face。
　 〃Oh　God；　I　hope　I'm　doing　the　right　thing。　I　wish　you　could　just　tell　me　that　this　is　what　you　want。〃　Todd　kissed　the　dog；　tears　falling　in　Dempsey's　fur。　〃I　know　if　I　was　you　I　wouldn't　want　to　be　shitting　everywhere　and　not　able　to　stand　up。　That's　no　life；　huh？〃　He　buried　his　face　in　the　smell　of　the　animal。　For　eleven　years…whether　Todd　had　had　female　pany　or　not…Dempsey　had　slept　on　his　bed；　and　more　often　than　not　been　the　one　to　wake　him　up；　pressing　his　cold　nose　against　Todd's　face；　rubbing　his　neck　on　Todd's　chest。
　 〃I　love　you；　dog；〃　he　said。　〃And　I　want　you　to　be　there　when　I　get　to　heaven；　okay？　I　want　you　to　be　keeping　a　place　for　me。　Will　you　do　that？　Will　you　keep　a　place　for　me？〃
　 There　was　a　discreet　knock　on　the　door；　and　Todd's　stomach　turned。　〃Time's　up；　buddy；〃　he　said；　kissing　Dempsey's　burning　hot　snout。　Even　now；　he　thought；　I　could　say　no；　I　don't　want　you　to　do　this。　He　could　take　Dempsey　home　for　one　more　night　in　the　big　bed。　But　that　was　just　selfishness。　The　dog　had　had　enough；　that　was　plain。　He　could　barely　raise　his　head。　It　was　time　to　go。　〃e　in。〃　he　said。
　 The　doctor　came　in；　meeting　Todd's　gaze　for　the　first　time。　〃I　know　how　hard　this　is；〃　she　said。　〃I　have　dogs　myself；　all　mutts　like　Dempsey。〃
　 〃Dempsey；　did　you　hear　that？〃　Todd　said；　the　tears　refusing　to　abate。　〃She　called　you　a　mutt。〃
　 〃They're　the　best。〃
　 〃Yeah。　They　are。〃
　 〃Are　you　ready？〃
　 Todd　nodded；　at　which　point　she　instantly　transferred　her　loving　attention　to　the　dog。　She　lifted　Dempsey　out　from　Todd's　arms　and　put　him　on　the　steel　table　in　the　corner　of　the　room；　talking　to　him　all　the　while；　〃Hey　there；　Dempsey。　This　isn't　going　to　hurt　at　all。　Just　a　little　prick…〃
　 She　pulled　a　syringe　out　of　her　pocket；　and　exposed　the　needle。　At　the　back　of　Todd's　head　that　same　irrational　voice　was　screaming：　〃Tell　her　no！　Knock　it　out　of　her　hand！　Quickly！　Quickly！〃　He　pushed　the　thoughts　away；　wiping　the　tears　from　his　eyes　with　the　back　of　his　hand；　because　he　didn't　want　to　be　blinded　by　them　when　this　happened。　He　wanted　to　see　it　all；　even　if　it　hurt　like　a　knife。　He　owed　that　to　Dempsey。　He　put　his　hand　on　Dempsey's　neck　and　rubbed　his　favorite　place。　The　syringe　went　into　Dempsey's　leg。　He　made　a　tiny　little　grunt　of　plaint。
　 〃Good　boy；〃　Doctor　Otis　said。　〃There。　That　wasn't　so　bad　now；　was　it？〃
　 Todd　kept　rubbing　Dempsey's　neck。
　 The　doctor　put　the　top　back　on　the　syringe　and　pocketed　it。　〃It's　all　right；〃